-verb;restore by replacing a part or putting together what is torn or broken
-verb; bring back into original existence, use, function, or position
I am broken. Such an easy sentence to type-an easy thing to nonchalantly say without full understanding or meaning. But to be truly broken is, I think, one of the hardest things to admit to. For the longest time I thought of being broken as being at the lowest of lows, finding myself at rock bottom struggling to find a light to see my next step-until I got to that point. Yes that was rough, and yes during that time I was broken, but more bitter than broken. I'm recently learning the true meaning of broken but just for good measure, I looked it up, and by the way there are a lot of definitions.
Broken-adj; physically and forcibly separated into pieces or cracked or split
-adj;lacking a part or parts
-adj;out of working order
-adj;weakened and infirm
-adj; thrown into a state of disarray or confusion (This was probably my favorite because I seem to find myself confused a lot)
-adj; imperfectly spoken or written
-adj; subdued or brought low in condition or status
This next one really hit me hard and made me think.
Broken-adj;tamed or trained to obey
Sheesh. I've recently been dealing with a lot of stuff. I've had family problem after family problem. It seems that every week it's a new illness, new problem, new family member and honestly after a while it gets old. I've stopped myself several times this past week from just going on and on about my family stuff-I'm sure people are beginning to think that it is all just made up-I mean seriously. But through all of these problems, I've been trying to hold it together. I didn't want to be "that girl" who fell apart just because things got hard. But tonight I became "that girl". I couldn't handle it anymore. Being completely transparent here, I honestly have been "that girl" for a while now and just refused to admit it. I was broken-emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I had been weakened, I was lacking strength, I wasn't myself, I was confused (which isn't necessarily anything out of the ordinary), I'm definitely imperfectly spoken, and I had been brought down from a place of smoothness and easy living to a really rocky, pointy, dark, and dusty place where I feared at any minute the ground was going to collapse beneath me and I would never be recovered. I was broken in every sense of the word, except I wasn't. That last definition says that to be broken is to be tamed or trained to obey. Never once did I think that all of these things were occurring in order for me to have a chance to obey God. I never once thought that I was thrown into this unfamiliar place in order for me to be given the opportunity to listen and respond the way He called. I mean I knew I was in this for a reason, but I thought it was to learn something, not to just simply learn to obey. Talk about your wake up call-I guess I overslept through that one.
God showed me Psalm 71 one night last week when I was struggling with the whole idea of being broken. Verses 20 and 21 really stood out to me and just poured comfort out on me. It says, "You have given me many troubles and bad times, but You will give me life again. When I am almost dead, You will keep me alive. You will make me greater than ever, and You will comfort me again." Talk about encouraging and comforting words. Here I was focusing on the bad and forgetting the hope that I have in a God who loves completely. He also showed me a verse in 1 Corinthians 1.
"Even the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." - 1 Corinthians 1:25.
This verse astounded me. There aren't even words to describe it. It's hard to fathom God having foolishness or weakness but the point of the verse is just so powerful regardless. That even at His weakest point, He is still so much stronger than we are. Wow. Wow. Wowwwwwwwww.
So here I am, being broken into obedience. I don't know what about yet, I don't know what I am waiting to obey, but He does. I take comfort in the fact that He will comfort me, and He will give me life again. He will restore me.
Restore-verb; return to life
-verb;restore by replacing a part or putting together what is torn or broken
-verb; bring back into original existence, use, function, or position
