Life in Retrospect

Life has been interesting and not entirely easy the last year or so. I have changed cars 4 times nows. The way I have viewed things has changed significantly. My desires and plans have been continually changing. I got a dog which is a significant change in just day to day activities and I have had to say goodbye to one too many loved ones. I imagine these type posts usually come at the end of the year, right before starting off with new resolutions and goals but there is something significant about this past week. This past week marks the first event in a series of extremely crazy events that have filled my life this past year. It was my first break down. I don't mean mentally, rather my first automobile breakdown. If you knew me then, you would know that my car was like a person to me. He was a Pontiac Aztek and his name was Montez. I'm a bit of a nerd and the name came from the leader of the Aztec Indians, Montezuma (or Moctezuma or various other names), and the man who conquered them, Hernando Cortez (or Hernán Cortés if you rather). Regardless, this car meant a lot to me. This time last year, I found myself broken down on the side of the road. Little did I know that that initial incident would be the first in a year long string of incidents that would leave me utterly exhausted-spiritually, mentally, and physically. I don't have much to say at this point. My mind is still fluttering with everything that I am sorting through. As I am looking back through this past year, I am remembering the lessons that God has taught me, the things that I have learned, and how I have grown, and even more so those times when I've failed to see the significance of suffering.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:2-6

11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace¹ for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:11

6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honorwhen Jesus Christ is revealed.

I think one of the biggest things that I have had to learn, is that regardless of our sufferings, God is right there in the midst of the flames with us. He doesn't leave us to fight the battle alone, but He protects us. He is our fortress, our stronghold, our Savior.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.^[c]

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 46

Suffering is a time for our faith to grow, for our dependence on God to grow, for us to be still and know that He is God and He is in control. I still haven't grasped that completely. I still find myself wondering why these things are happening and if He's still holding the reigns up there. But that's why He has given us the scripture, to be reassured in our sufferings and to prove His faithfulness. I want to end this post with the chorus to a song that is so powerful. If you haven't ever read the story behind it, you should!

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

I Believe in Love-Barlow Girl

I don't know where this blog may find you, but I hope that regardless of your current situation you are clinging to His love and knowing that He is seeing you through. He is our fortress, our refuge, and our strength-that means something right.

²⁴ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”-Mark 9:24