It has been four weeks. Crazy. Insane. Impossible. But true. It has been four weeks since I left for South Georgia. It has been four weeks since I started on this incredible but somewhat tough journey. It has been four weeks since I met the youth that would slowly begin to change the way I see things. It has been four weeks since God has started uprooting and rearranging things in my life. It has been an intense, chaotic, amazing four weeks. And it has been about four weeks since I updated last, so get ready.
My town in South Georgia is precious. It is smaller than my home town which I used to think was impossible. Even more precious, are the youth and children that I am getting to work with this summer. I won't deny it. It has been tough. I have had days where I just wanted to pull my hair out. I have had plenty of days full of tears. But I have had days with such joy that the bad just kind of disappears. I love my youth group. I began thinking that there was no way on Earth that I was going to be able to reach these guys. And I was 100% correct. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a different world. I was never a teenage boy so I don't know how to relate to them sometimes. But I was a teenager. And despite it all, I realized that I don't have to be able to relate to them. I just have to be able to be there for them. To continue to show that I am here to serve them, to listen to them, and to point them in the direction of someone who loves them unconditionally and knows exactly what they are going through.
Rewind just one week and my viewpoint was completely different. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I wanted to give up. I felt like these youth didn't want me here. I felt like the people in the church didn't want me here. I wanted to leave. But then this weekend I got to see some of my family. Which was wonderful. And I got to spend a short vacation with them. And the whole time I was away, I wanted to come back. I wanted to be with the youth and sit outside and watch them skateboard. I wanted to be digging my head in my hands in fear as one of them attempted some ridiculous move on their skateboard and almost collided with the pavement. I didn't realize how much I had started to care for this youth group, until I was away from it.
God started working in my life in amazing ways even before I came to South Georgia. And He has definitely been working in my life in some amazing ways since I've been here. It's been a struggle. It's been an experience. And I have loved it. I realized that I can not do it alone. I can not reach out to those boys and bring in the girls by myself. There is nothing at all special about me. I am just a socially awkward, clumsy, sometimes weird girl. Sidenote* I actually had one of the kids at VBS come up to me and tell me I was the weirdest person they had ever met. It was definitely one of the highlights of my night.* But regardless of being weird and clumsy and awkward, God has put me in this place, in this church, at this time, with these youth for a purpose. He reminded me of that the other day as I was spending some time with Him.
In John 12:27-29, Jesus says "'Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!' Then a voice came from heaven, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again." 29The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him."
This particular verse just stood out to me. Here I was wanting to quit because things had gotten a little sticky, a little difficult, a little tough. I wanted to stop doing what I had been called to do because it wasn't easy. I realized that I have a small problem with that. if things get the tiniest bit difficult, I think the absolute worst and want to call it quits. And that was the exact point I was at last week when i read this verse. In this passage, Jesus has been predicting His death. It came as a bit of a slap in the face to me when I really thought about this verse. Jesus knows what He has come to do. He knows that He has come to sacrifice himself for my sins and faults. And He didn't give up. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm sure it's not easy knowing that I would mess up and fail Him time and time again. But in this verse He gave me the encouragement that I needed. This is my prayer for the rest of my summer. That I would believe that God has placed me here for a purpose, one that I may never know, but a purpose nonetheless. And that God would glorify His name this summer. That He would use this socially awkward, clumsy, and weird girl for His glory and His honor. And the best part is, He says He will. In verse 28 God is talking to His son, and He says that He has glorified His name and will continue to glorify His name. That isn't any less true today. God has done mighty works through ordinary people all through history. And I pray that God works in mighty ways this summer with these youth and that He uses me and this summer to glorify His name. Told you it would be a bit of a long post, but there it is-my recent stepping stone. And it only took four weeks.
Attitude Problem
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So it's been awhile since I posted last. It has been crazy the last few weeks with packing and getting ready to leave, then actually arriving at training, and now settling into my town for the summer. I can look back to just a few months ago when I first learned that I would be spending my summer in South Georgia. It's crazy how time flies. Now that I'm here, I want time to slow down just a little because after getting over my initial struggles, I am loving it here. Granted, that was not my first reaction. I felt awkward and out of place in this tiny town and tiny church. I immediately stuck out as the new person and I did not feel at all welcome in the church that I was serving in. If I'm being honest, the first night I spent in this town, I almost had a nervous breakdown. I remember frantically telling a friend that I just couldn't do it, that I wasn't cut out for this.
You see, it's crazy the way God works, crazy and wonderful all at the same time. In just the few shorts weeks that I have been away from home and my second home, He has already started pointing out all of the things in my life that needs fixing. I am learning so much already, about myself, about what I truly want, about God, and especially about what God truly wants for me. He's been shutting a lot of doors but He's also been opening up a lot of windows. Going back to my first night here, I felt overwhelmed and discouraged. I immediately questioned God and knew that He had somehow put me in the wrong place. Sometimes, I still feel that way. You see, my youth group is all guys. Talk about being hard to relate to. Teenage boys who like to skateboard and me, a college girl who is socially awkward, ridiculously clumsy, and extremely naive. How am I supposed to relate to these guys? To top it all off, these guys are going through some serious stuff right now. So my first night, I have a little conversation with God and it went a little something like this.
"GOD WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING PUTTING ME HERE WITH THESE BOYS THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO RELATE TO? THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS IS TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS AND HELP BUILD THIS YOUTH GROUP BUT HOLY COW, YOU HAD TO MAKE IT DIFFICULT. YOU COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME A YOUTH GROUP WITH ALL GIRLS, HUH? OR EVEN JUST A YOUTH GROUP WITH A FEW GIRLS, YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON WITH THAT I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO THESE BOYS ABOUT? THIS IS REAL FUNNY GOD, NOW REALLY, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SUMMER. NICE JOKE, BUT COME ON, SHOW ME THE TOWN THAT I REALLY AM SUPPOSED TO BE SERVING IN."
And it went on and on and on for a while like that with me whining (oh and yes, all caps does denote my extremely high freaking out voice, for those of you who know me lol). I just knew God had it all wrong. Maybe God had verizon and the phone call had just been dropped when they were determining the town and church I would be with. That was my thinking. How wrong I can be sometimes, and how rare it is when I admit it. God tells me in Colossians 3:17 "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him." Wait, excuse me God, do what in the name of Jesus? Do all? You mean as in everything? Like every little thing I do I'm supposed to do it in the name of Your son? He then tells me in Philippians 2:14-15 that not only am I to do all things in the name of Jesus, but I'm also to "Do all things without murmurings and disputings that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world..." Um excuse me God, I'm supposed to do ALL things for Jesus and I'm never supposed to complain. Whew, this is hard work.
This verse reminds me of one of the tasks for a day in The Love Dare. You were supposed to spend one day doing everything without complaining. I tried and I failed. But there is a verse in God's Word that gives me hope, not only for this summer but for my future as well. I may not know what to do with these guys this summer. I may not know how to relate to them or understand anything of what they're going through. But I'm working for someone who knows everything about them and who knows exactly how to relate to them. In Philippians 4:13 God tells me that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." As long as I cling to Him, this summer and through life, I can do all He asks of me and I can do it all with the right attitude. It's just one of those stepping stones in my walk with Him.
You see, it's crazy the way God works, crazy and wonderful all at the same time. In just the few shorts weeks that I have been away from home and my second home, He has already started pointing out all of the things in my life that needs fixing. I am learning so much already, about myself, about what I truly want, about God, and especially about what God truly wants for me. He's been shutting a lot of doors but He's also been opening up a lot of windows. Going back to my first night here, I felt overwhelmed and discouraged. I immediately questioned God and knew that He had somehow put me in the wrong place. Sometimes, I still feel that way. You see, my youth group is all guys. Talk about being hard to relate to. Teenage boys who like to skateboard and me, a college girl who is socially awkward, ridiculously clumsy, and extremely naive. How am I supposed to relate to these guys? To top it all off, these guys are going through some serious stuff right now. So my first night, I have a little conversation with God and it went a little something like this.
"GOD WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING PUTTING ME HERE WITH THESE BOYS THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO RELATE TO? THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS IS TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS AND HELP BUILD THIS YOUTH GROUP BUT HOLY COW, YOU HAD TO MAKE IT DIFFICULT. YOU COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME A YOUTH GROUP WITH ALL GIRLS, HUH? OR EVEN JUST A YOUTH GROUP WITH A FEW GIRLS, YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON WITH THAT I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO THESE BOYS ABOUT? THIS IS REAL FUNNY GOD, NOW REALLY, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SUMMER. NICE JOKE, BUT COME ON, SHOW ME THE TOWN THAT I REALLY AM SUPPOSED TO BE SERVING IN."
And it went on and on and on for a while like that with me whining (oh and yes, all caps does denote my extremely high freaking out voice, for those of you who know me lol). I just knew God had it all wrong. Maybe God had verizon and the phone call had just been dropped when they were determining the town and church I would be with. That was my thinking. How wrong I can be sometimes, and how rare it is when I admit it. God tells me in Colossians 3:17 "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him." Wait, excuse me God, do what in the name of Jesus? Do all? You mean as in everything? Like every little thing I do I'm supposed to do it in the name of Your son? He then tells me in Philippians 2:14-15 that not only am I to do all things in the name of Jesus, but I'm also to "Do all things without murmurings and disputings that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world..." Um excuse me God, I'm supposed to do ALL things for Jesus and I'm never supposed to complain. Whew, this is hard work.
This verse reminds me of one of the tasks for a day in The Love Dare. You were supposed to spend one day doing everything without complaining. I tried and I failed. But there is a verse in God's Word that gives me hope, not only for this summer but for my future as well. I may not know what to do with these guys this summer. I may not know how to relate to them or understand anything of what they're going through. But I'm working for someone who knows everything about them and who knows exactly how to relate to them. In Philippians 4:13 God tells me that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." As long as I cling to Him, this summer and through life, I can do all He asks of me and I can do it all with the right attitude. It's just one of those stepping stones in my walk with Him.
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