Four Weeks

It has been four weeks. Crazy. Insane. Impossible. But true. It has been four weeks since I left for South Georgia. It has been four weeks since I started on this incredible but somewhat tough journey. It has been four weeks since I met the youth that would slowly begin to change the way I see things. It has been four weeks since God has started uprooting and rearranging things in my life. It has been an intense, chaotic, amazing four weeks. And it has been about four weeks since I updated last, so get ready.

My town in South Georgia is precious. It is smaller than my home town which I used to think was impossible. Even more precious, are the youth and children that I am getting to work with this summer. I won't deny it. It has been tough. I have had days where I just wanted to pull my hair out. I have had plenty of days full of tears. But I have had days with such joy that the bad just kind of disappears. I love my youth group. I began thinking that there was no way on Earth that I was going to be able to reach these guys. And I was 100% correct. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a different world. I was never a teenage boy so I don't know how to relate to them sometimes. But I was a teenager. And despite it all, I realized that I don't have to be able to relate to them. I just have to be able to be there for them. To continue to show that I am here to serve them, to listen to them, and to point them in the direction of someone who loves them unconditionally and knows exactly what they are going through.

Rewind just one week and my viewpoint was completely different. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I wanted to give up. I felt like these youth didn't want me here. I felt like the people in the church didn't want me here. I wanted to leave. But then this weekend I got to see some of my family. Which was wonderful. And I got to spend a short vacation with them. And the whole time I was away, I wanted to come back. I wanted to be with the youth and sit outside and watch them skateboard. I wanted to be digging my head in my hands in fear as one of them attempted some ridiculous move on their skateboard and almost collided with the pavement. I didn't realize how much I had started to care for this youth group, until I was away from it.

God started working in my life in amazing ways even before I came to South Georgia. And He has definitely been working in my life in some amazing ways since I've been here. It's been a struggle. It's been an experience. And I have loved it. I realized that I can not do it alone. I can not reach out to those boys and bring in the girls by myself. There is nothing at all special about me. I am just a socially awkward, clumsy, sometimes weird girl. Sidenote* I actually had one of the kids at VBS come up to me and tell me I was the weirdest person they had ever met. It was definitely one of the highlights of my night.* But regardless of being weird and clumsy and awkward, God has put me in this place, in this church, at this time, with these youth for a purpose. He reminded me of that the other day as I was spending some time with Him.

In John 12:27-29, Jesus says "'Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!' Then a voice came from heaven, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again." 29The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him."

This particular verse just stood out to me. Here I was wanting to quit because things had gotten a little sticky, a little difficult, a little tough. I wanted to stop doing what I had been called to do because it wasn't easy. I realized that I have a small problem with that. if things get the tiniest bit difficult, I think the absolute worst and want to call it quits. And that was the exact point I was at last week when i read this verse. In this passage, Jesus has been predicting His death. It came as a bit of a slap in the face to me when I really thought about this verse. Jesus knows what He has come to do. He knows that He has come to sacrifice himself for my sins and faults. And He didn't give up. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm sure it's not easy knowing that I would mess up and fail Him time and time again. But in this verse He gave me the encouragement that I needed. This is my prayer for the rest of my summer. That I would believe that God has placed me here for a purpose, one that I may never know, but a purpose nonetheless. And that God would glorify His name this summer. That He would use this socially awkward, clumsy, and weird girl for His glory and His honor. And the best part is, He says He will. In verse 28 God is talking to His son, and He says that He has glorified His name and will continue to glorify His name. That isn't any less true today. God has done mighty works through ordinary people all through history. And I pray that God works in mighty ways this summer with these youth and that He uses me and this summer to glorify His name. Told you it would be a bit of a long post, but there it is-my recent stepping stone. And it only took four weeks.