I like this word. My nephew says the phrase "It gets darkened?" anytime it starts to get dark outside. I'm thinking about this word right now as I'm sitting in the dark, all alone, between a building and a pool, hearing strange noises all around me. Despite the fact that I'm usually pretty scared of the dark, it's the only place that I can pick up internet so here I sit. Regardless of the scariness factor here, it's beautiful. It's peaceful (for the most part) and calm. I can sit here and really collect my thoughts on things. The thought that has really been shredding through my mind lately is the beauty of light. I don't really think about it that often. To be honest, I get so consumed with thinking about one specific topic that my brain tunes everything else out. I take a lot of things for granted this way. Like light. I only miss light when I'm surrounded by darkness. I only long for the sunshine when it's dark or gloomy outside. If I'm completely honest, I only sometimes reach for God when everything is dark around me.
Why is that? Why do I find myself being content with a mediocre life and a mediocre faith. Why is it that I allow myself to get so comfortable where I am in my walk with Him but yet in other areas of my life I want something more, something extraordinary. I'm a girl and naturally, as most all girls do, we struggle with wanting a relationship. It's just part of our nature. We always want something more than what we have now. We go through those phases where having friendships is all we need and other times we aren't happy with that. I'm amazed at that.
I'm still going through Matthew, and as my lack of excitement and desire has begun to fade, I ran across this verse. In Matthew 22:34-40, the Pharisees are once again testing Jesus. They have asked Him to tell them the greatest commandment. I'm sure they were thinking they would get one from the ten commandments. Maybe they were hoping for that. I don't know what was going on with the Pharisees, but I do know that this verse hit me so hard that I had to read it several times and pause to catch my breath. Jesus replies in verse 37, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." Okay, so I've heard this verse my entire life. I've even heard vbs songs about this. It sank in today as I read that. Let me just emphasize some things in the verse to show you how it affected me. LOVE the Lord YOUR GOD with ALL your HEART, with ALL your SOUL, and with ALL your MIND. Now I ask, what is left over? What part of ourselves are we not supposed to love the Lord our GOD with? ------------ I think I hear crickets. That's because we are to love Him with ALL of ourselves. Every ounce of love that we have in us should be poured out to Him.
So to tie it all together. I'm happy with a mediocre faith sometimes. I'm happy with only loving God with half of my heart, half of my time, energy, soul, and mind. I don't really notice it until something bad happens. Just like I don't notice the light until it gets darkened. I take God's love for granted just as I absorb the sun's rays without a second thought. I want more in other areas of my life, so why not in the area that is most important? In my relationship with God. It's a long post I know, but then again I haven't posted in several days so it cancels out I think!
The bottom line: God wants ALL of our love, attention, time, energy. He wants ALL of us. He wants us to strive to give Him ALL, just some, not a little, not even most. I think of the song "You Won't Relent". It goes
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
It sounds so easy. Putting it into practice is harder. Striving to give Him all and to not take what He gives for granted. Desiring to love Him with everything I have and not settling for mediocrity. "You won't relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours".
Just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.
Leaving
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I already find myself running out of time to do everything that I want to do and to spend time with everyone I want to spend time with. I'm leaving behind everyone I know for two months. Granted I'm only going 6 hours down the road, but I still find it hard to grasp. It hit me for the first time on Friday night as I was spending time with some of my friends that I already don't get to see too often. As the night came to end, I realized that it would be another two months before I would see them again. I act like I'm not going to be able to have any communication with them at all and that's not the case. I'm still going to be very much connected with the rest of the world but there's a difference in a phone call every now and then and getting to spend time with them.
I've really been thinking a lot about leaving behind friends and family lately. I've been reading in Mark and today I was reading in Mark 10:17 when Jesus is approached by a rich man who comes and asks Him how to inherit eternal life. Jesus reminds him of all of the commandments and the man says that he has upheld them all. Jesus then gives him a challenge. In verse 21, Jesus says "One thing thou lackest: go they way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven." So Jesus tells him first to give up all of his earthly treasures, all of his possessions. Jesus commands him to give up everything he holds that is of the world. But he doesn't stop there. Jesus continues to say "and come, take up the cross, and follow me." Jesus commands this rich man to give up the one thing he has abundance of, money, and to take up his cross and to follow Him. Jesus commands that out of us. We are not to store up treasures here on the earth because they are of no use to us. The reality is that I'm like that rich man sometimes. Verse 22 says "And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions." Sometimes I'm unwilling to give up something that I have. Sometimes it's a dream, a hope, an ambition, or a friend. Sometimes I find myself like that rich man, walking away sad because I know how truly blessed I am and I don't want to give away all of my blessings.
Then I read in Mark 12:41-44 about a widow who gave all she had. There were men coming by and giving their extra money to the Lord, their leftovers if you will, but this widow gave everything she had. I started to think what if we were all like this widow? What if I was like this widow? What if I didn't settle for giving only my leftovers to the Lord- leftover energy, leftover time, leftover resources- but I desired to give Him EVERYTHING that I possessed. Not just giving all that I have financially, but giving all that I have in every way. Leaving behind friends and family to go out where He calls. Leaving behind the treasures I have from this world and seeking only His will and His glory. Leaving behind my dreams and ambitions and picking up the cross He has sat in front of me and following only Him. Our blessings come from the Father, and we should faithfully return those blessings to Him. Whether it be through our time, through our service, through our talents, through our testimonies, we are called to give and do everything through Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." That's my prayer for my summer. That I will be willing to leave behind everything and focus solely on Him and His plans for me. To do everything,to give everything up, for His glory. I know it will be difficult and sometimes I will fail, but in the end it will be worth it. It's just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.
I've really been thinking a lot about leaving behind friends and family lately. I've been reading in Mark and today I was reading in Mark 10:17 when Jesus is approached by a rich man who comes and asks Him how to inherit eternal life. Jesus reminds him of all of the commandments and the man says that he has upheld them all. Jesus then gives him a challenge. In verse 21, Jesus says "One thing thou lackest: go they way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven." So Jesus tells him first to give up all of his earthly treasures, all of his possessions. Jesus commands him to give up everything he holds that is of the world. But he doesn't stop there. Jesus continues to say "and come, take up the cross, and follow me." Jesus commands this rich man to give up the one thing he has abundance of, money, and to take up his cross and to follow Him. Jesus commands that out of us. We are not to store up treasures here on the earth because they are of no use to us. The reality is that I'm like that rich man sometimes. Verse 22 says "And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions." Sometimes I'm unwilling to give up something that I have. Sometimes it's a dream, a hope, an ambition, or a friend. Sometimes I find myself like that rich man, walking away sad because I know how truly blessed I am and I don't want to give away all of my blessings.
Then I read in Mark 12:41-44 about a widow who gave all she had. There were men coming by and giving their extra money to the Lord, their leftovers if you will, but this widow gave everything she had. I started to think what if we were all like this widow? What if I was like this widow? What if I didn't settle for giving only my leftovers to the Lord- leftover energy, leftover time, leftover resources- but I desired to give Him EVERYTHING that I possessed. Not just giving all that I have financially, but giving all that I have in every way. Leaving behind friends and family to go out where He calls. Leaving behind the treasures I have from this world and seeking only His will and His glory. Leaving behind my dreams and ambitions and picking up the cross He has sat in front of me and following only Him. Our blessings come from the Father, and we should faithfully return those blessings to Him. Whether it be through our time, through our service, through our talents, through our testimonies, we are called to give and do everything through Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." That's my prayer for my summer. That I will be willing to leave behind everything and focus solely on Him and His plans for me. To do everything,to give everything up, for His glory. I know it will be difficult and sometimes I will fail, but in the end it will be worth it. It's just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.
Bullfrog
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These past few days have been days of frustration, stress, and worry. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything that has been happening and have just found myself completely overwhelmed with all of it. I've had a few meltdowns, to say the least, and have had a sense of building frustration with myself. I'm a worrier by nature. I worry about little things. I worry about whether or not I'm going to end up somewhere and be underdressed or overdressed or wind up freezing. I worry about arriving somewhere too early or too late. I worry about small things that normal people don't think about. I'm a worrier. I worry about other people and whether or not I've done something to upset them. I worry excessively. I'm always being told that I'm taking years off of my life by worrying over ridiculous things that have no business being worried over. And I know that they are right. Still, lately I can't seem to get over the things that have been worrying me. Worry #1: I leave for Morven in about a week and I still do not have a car to drive down there. Worry #2: Up until two weeks ago, the church I was staying at didn't know I was coming. Last week, I found out that they are still looking for somewhere for me to live for the summer. Worry #3:What if I get down there and I'm not what they expect and I disappoint them. The worries go on and on and on.
Today, however, I spent some much needed time sitting by the pond with my guitar in hand. Music is escape and with the past few days being so crazy, I had to escape somewhere. As I was playing song after song, I started thinking in depth about the words that I was singing. How many songs were there that proclaimed the greatness of our God? How many times do the songs reference His unfailing love and grace? Over and over, I was singing about how God was everything I needed and desired and how He would never fail to provide for me. I stopped mid-song and listened. I had been singing in worship,praise,and prayer but I wasn't the only one singing. As I grew silent, I heard a bullfrog by the pond croaking and singing along. It was probably the most beautiful song I had heard in some time. And I instantly felt guilty.
In 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, it says " We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see." And in Matthew 6:25-34 we are told not to worry about things of this earth. We are not to worry about food,drink,or anything we need for survival because God, our Father, will provide those things for us. As I read these passages I thought of the bullfrog that had joined in my time of worship. I thought of how none of these things I had been worrying about would have concerned the bullfrog. He (and I assume it was a he, I don't really know) wasn't concerned with cars or shelter. He wasn't concerned with the way other bullfrogs perceived him. Our troubles, big or small, are nothing in comparison with what God has in store for those who serve Him faithfully. Psam 37:5 says "Depend on the Lord: trust Him, and He will take care of you." Enough said. I learned something from that bullfrog. Worrying doesn't help any of the situations that I am worrying about. Depending on God, trusting in Him, actively seeking His will, and desiring to serve and glorify Him is a much better use of my time on this earth. He is going to provide and that's all I need to know. It's just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.
Today, however, I spent some much needed time sitting by the pond with my guitar in hand. Music is escape and with the past few days being so crazy, I had to escape somewhere. As I was playing song after song, I started thinking in depth about the words that I was singing. How many songs were there that proclaimed the greatness of our God? How many times do the songs reference His unfailing love and grace? Over and over, I was singing about how God was everything I needed and desired and how He would never fail to provide for me. I stopped mid-song and listened. I had been singing in worship,praise,and prayer but I wasn't the only one singing. As I grew silent, I heard a bullfrog by the pond croaking and singing along. It was probably the most beautiful song I had heard in some time. And I instantly felt guilty.
In 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, it says " We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see." And in Matthew 6:25-34 we are told not to worry about things of this earth. We are not to worry about food,drink,or anything we need for survival because God, our Father, will provide those things for us. As I read these passages I thought of the bullfrog that had joined in my time of worship. I thought of how none of these things I had been worrying about would have concerned the bullfrog. He (and I assume it was a he, I don't really know) wasn't concerned with cars or shelter. He wasn't concerned with the way other bullfrogs perceived him. Our troubles, big or small, are nothing in comparison with what God has in store for those who serve Him faithfully. Psam 37:5 says "Depend on the Lord: trust Him, and He will take care of you." Enough said. I learned something from that bullfrog. Worrying doesn't help any of the situations that I am worrying about. Depending on God, trusting in Him, actively seeking His will, and desiring to serve and glorify Him is a much better use of my time on this earth. He is going to provide and that's all I need to know. It's just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.
Storms
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I created this blog a few weeks ago for two reasons. Mainly to help keep people updated with things as I serve as a youth intern this summer, but also because I'm a talker. I like to talk out the random thoughts that rattle through my brain and keep me awake at night.
Recently, it's been storms. I have always loved storms. I love the lightening that lights up the sky and then the rolling thunder that follows. I like to watch as the rain just continuously pours and pours without any end in sight. The dark skies and the black clouds are beautiful to me. But recently, I've been looking at the storms in my own life. I love the storms that stay outside-the storms that I can avoid by simply seeking shelter. The storms that follow me wherever I go, well those storms I don't like as much. I've had a lot of storms in my life. It seems that each time I look back through my childhood and the recent years, the sky gets darker. Everything good about my life has been clouded by the storms that seemed to constantly loom over me. I constantly dwelled on the storms of my past and present and how bad they were, never thinking to look at the aftermath of them.
Then one weekend I was visiting home and there was a terrible storm. All day Saturday it rained and thundered. Saturday night the storm really hit and there was destruction everywhere. People in my town were riding around at three in the morning to see how much damage the storm had caused. I slept through the entire thing. I was amazed at how I could have slept through a storm that tore up houses and caused hundred year old trees to come crashing down yet when I have the tiniest bit of a problem in my life, it seems like the end all of everything. Wake up call number one. Then on Sunday as I was driving through town, everything seemed infinitely more beautiful than the day before. The trees were greener, the sky was bluer, and the sun shone brighter than I could remember. It was a gorgeous day and the storm of yesterday was erased from my mind completely. Wake up call number two.
So here's the point. I realized something after that particular storm. I realized that I had always focused on the storm itself. I always focused on how bad the things in my life were or how much damage the storms were creating. I never noticed how beautiful things were when the storm ceased. Storms are a natural pruning process. They break down old trees and branches and give way for new trees and new flowers to sprout. Storms in our lives are pruning processes from God. He uses the storms to refine us and make us purer at the end of the process. The storms aren't there for us to dwell on how bad life can get. They are there to make us stronger and more beautiful. The storms are there to draw us closer to Christ. I think of John 15. In verse 2 Jesus says, "He cuts off every branch of mine that does not produce fruit. And he trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit." God has shown me that these storms I've gone through,am going through, and will go through are His way of trimming and cleaning me, His branch, so that I can better serve Him. It took a long time for me to realize it, but now I can look past the storm and towards the beauty of the morning.
Just another stepping stone in my daily walk with Him.
Recently, it's been storms. I have always loved storms. I love the lightening that lights up the sky and then the rolling thunder that follows. I like to watch as the rain just continuously pours and pours without any end in sight. The dark skies and the black clouds are beautiful to me. But recently, I've been looking at the storms in my own life. I love the storms that stay outside-the storms that I can avoid by simply seeking shelter. The storms that follow me wherever I go, well those storms I don't like as much. I've had a lot of storms in my life. It seems that each time I look back through my childhood and the recent years, the sky gets darker. Everything good about my life has been clouded by the storms that seemed to constantly loom over me. I constantly dwelled on the storms of my past and present and how bad they were, never thinking to look at the aftermath of them.
Then one weekend I was visiting home and there was a terrible storm. All day Saturday it rained and thundered. Saturday night the storm really hit and there was destruction everywhere. People in my town were riding around at three in the morning to see how much damage the storm had caused. I slept through the entire thing. I was amazed at how I could have slept through a storm that tore up houses and caused hundred year old trees to come crashing down yet when I have the tiniest bit of a problem in my life, it seems like the end all of everything. Wake up call number one. Then on Sunday as I was driving through town, everything seemed infinitely more beautiful than the day before. The trees were greener, the sky was bluer, and the sun shone brighter than I could remember. It was a gorgeous day and the storm of yesterday was erased from my mind completely. Wake up call number two.
So here's the point. I realized something after that particular storm. I realized that I had always focused on the storm itself. I always focused on how bad the things in my life were or how much damage the storms were creating. I never noticed how beautiful things were when the storm ceased. Storms are a natural pruning process. They break down old trees and branches and give way for new trees and new flowers to sprout. Storms in our lives are pruning processes from God. He uses the storms to refine us and make us purer at the end of the process. The storms aren't there for us to dwell on how bad life can get. They are there to make us stronger and more beautiful. The storms are there to draw us closer to Christ. I think of John 15. In verse 2 Jesus says, "He cuts off every branch of mine that does not produce fruit. And he trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit." God has shown me that these storms I've gone through,am going through, and will go through are His way of trimming and cleaning me, His branch, so that I can better serve Him. It took a long time for me to realize it, but now I can look past the storm and towards the beauty of the morning.
Just another stepping stone in my daily walk with Him.
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