Darkened

I like this word. My nephew says the phrase "It gets darkened?" anytime it starts to get dark outside. I'm thinking about this word right now as I'm sitting in the dark, all alone, between a building and a pool, hearing strange noises all around me. Despite the fact that I'm usually pretty scared of the dark, it's the only place that I can pick up internet so here I sit. Regardless of the scariness factor here, it's beautiful. It's peaceful (for the most part) and calm. I can sit here and really collect my thoughts on things. The thought that has really been shredding through my mind lately is the beauty of light. I don't really think about it that often. To be honest, I get so consumed with thinking about one specific topic that my brain tunes everything else out. I take a lot of things for granted this way. Like light. I only miss light when I'm surrounded by darkness. I only long for the sunshine when it's dark or gloomy outside. If I'm completely honest, I only sometimes reach for God when everything is dark around me.

Why is that? Why do I find myself being content with a mediocre life and a mediocre faith. Why is it that I allow myself to get so comfortable where I am in my walk with Him but yet in other areas of my life I want something more, something extraordinary. I'm a girl and naturally, as most all girls do, we struggle with wanting a relationship. It's just part of our nature. We always want something more than what we have now. We go through those phases where having friendships is all we need and other times we aren't happy with that. I'm amazed at that.

I'm still going through Matthew, and as my lack of excitement and desire has begun to fade, I ran across this verse. In Matthew 22:34-40, the Pharisees are once again testing Jesus. They have asked Him to tell them the greatest commandment. I'm sure they were thinking they would get one from the ten commandments. Maybe they were hoping for that. I don't know what was going on with the Pharisees, but I do know that this verse hit me so hard that I had to read it several times and pause to catch my breath. Jesus replies in verse 37, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." Okay, so I've heard this verse my entire life. I've even heard vbs songs about this. It sank in today as I read that. Let me just emphasize some things in the verse to show you how it affected me. LOVE the Lord YOUR GOD with ALL your HEART, with ALL your SOUL, and with ALL your MIND. Now I ask, what is left over? What part of ourselves are we not supposed to love the Lord our GOD with? ------------ I think I hear crickets. That's because we are to love Him with ALL of ourselves. Every ounce of love that we have in us should be poured out to Him.

So to tie it all together. I'm happy with a mediocre faith sometimes. I'm happy with only loving God with half of my heart, half of my time, energy, soul, and mind. I don't really notice it until something bad happens. Just like I don't notice the light until it gets darkened. I take God's love for granted just as I absorb the sun's rays without a second thought. I want more in other areas of my life, so why not in the area that is most important? In my relationship with God. It's a long post I know, but then again I haven't posted in several days so it cancels out I think!

The bottom line: God wants ALL of our love, attention, time, energy. He wants ALL of us. He wants us to strive to give Him ALL, just some, not a little, not even most. I think of the song "You Won't Relent". It goes

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

It sounds so easy. Putting it into practice is harder. Striving to give Him all and to not take what He gives for granted. Desiring to love Him with everything I have and not settling for mediocrity. "You won't relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours".
Just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.