Planned Beauty

I've come to the conclusion that I am a bad New Yorker. Granted I've only been in the city for either a little over two months or a little over two weeks depending on how you look at it. Still,when teams ask me what my favorite park of the city is, I answer "the parks!" with extreme excitement and a high pitched voice. Most of them aren't really thrilled with that answer because they're in the city and they're used to trees. They want to see the buildings, the tourist spots, the things that make New York, well New York and I only offer them the same kind of scenery that they are used to. But I could spend hours in the parks. In fact, just the other day I spent over five hours in Central Park reading and people watching. I love to run around and take pictures in the park too. To try and get you in my mindset, here are some pictures that I took a couple of weeks ago while exploring Central Park.

One of the things that I love most about the park is that it is a vast display of Father's power and control, and His eye for beauty. Now the parks in New York City are designed and planned by man. They are not naturally occurring places of beauty but this does not make them any less beautiful. I think about the time it took to envision something like Central Park with all of the different areas embodying a unique look but still all of them coming together make the whole park a wonderful place to explore. It must have taken a lot of knowledge, time, effort, and creativity to dream up something so magnificent. But even with those dreams and plans and designs, someone else had to have a hand in it.

My days pondering this thought about the parks made me think back to several verses in Scripture.

"People can make all kinds of plans, 
       but only the Lord's plan will happen." Proverbs 19:21

"People may make plans in their minds, 
       but the Lord decides what they will do." Proverbs 16:9

The designers of the park planned where each tree would be planted, where each pathway would be paved, where each rock would be placed but in the end they had little control over what happened. The trees could not grow right. Maybe one tree would overshadow another leaving it stunted and half of what it could have been. Maybe the flowers would not grow or maybe they would become choked by weeds. Maybe their dreams just wouldn't match up with reality. Father took their plans and their seeds and He created life out of them. He took the plan, breathed into it, gave it life, and gave it growth. I'm sure that the designers of the park had something beautiful envisioned, but only God can give life and progress to the plans that we make. I think about churches and dreams for new ministries. We can plan, we can hope, we can dream but without Father having His hand on all that we do, those things are just that-plans, hopes, and dreams. Having the Lord alive and working in our lives on a daily basis means that there are dreams and plans that we have yet to think about but He is already working on. He gives life and growth to our plans. He magnifies them in a way that we never dreamed of. He puts in our hearts new plans and new desires according with His purpose. His plans can never be thwarted or messed up. His plans are far above any plans that we as humans can make. It's amazing and exciting to see His plans unfold and to enjoy the ending results.

Prayers for the City

There are two separate events that are consuming my mind today. They are not connected at all, but yet somehow I see the two becoming intertwined in my mind with how I view the city and ministry. Last night, the MNYBA hosted an event entitled "Get Connected". It was at this event that pastors from churches all over the city and even from New Jersey were gathered to connect with each other and the MNYBA. There were also people from North Carolina, Georgia, and Texas here looking to either begin a church plant or partner in some form or fashion with a church plant. In all, there were close to 90 people or so in the first floor chapel gathered together to talk about how the Lord is working through various partnerships here in the city and even in other states. There were people from all different nationalities. People who had grown up outside of  Christianity but were now working fervently to spread the message of the gospel throughout the five boroughs. There were people who spoke multiple languages and some, like me, who spoke only one language. There were pastors there whose churches had been established for quite some time and other pastors whose churches were still in the beginning stages. It was amazing to see all of the differences that existed within this group of people. The thing that was even more amazing to see was how these differences had no bearing on the unity felt within that room. As the evening came to a close, Kyle and I led the group in singing "Stronger" and the chorus of "How Great Thou Art". All night there had been technical issues upon technical issues. The mic would be working and then all of a sudden it would go out. The speakers would randomly make loud buzzing noises. Kyle's guitar ended up not even coming through the system. But in the end, those things didn't matter. The chorus of voices that resounded in that chapel last night was such a beautiful sound. The picture of seeing so many different people from so many different places worshipping Father in such sweet surrender was a sight that I feel so blessed to have been able to see. Hearing people lifting up their praise to the Father who is unbelievably real and working in powerful ways in their lives and communities was awe striking. As the song ended, we entered a time of prayer. This was the most powerful moment of the night. The chapel is decorated with various plaques that all have the same verse written on it in multiple languages.

"It is written in the Scriptures, 'My temple will be called a house for prayer for people from all nations.'

                          Mark 11:17

This passage is referencing Isaiah 56 which talks about how all nations will be united in the Lord. 

"Foreigners will join the Lord to worship Him and love Him, to serve Him, to obey the law about the Sabbath, and to keep my agreement. I will bring these people to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. The offerings and sacrifices they place on my altar will please me, because my Temple will be called a house for prayer for people from all nations."

                           Isaiah 56:6-7

Last night, that chapel truly was a prayer for all the nations. As we entered into a time of prayer, each person was encouraged by John to prayer in their heart language, or the language they were born in. It was such a beautiful occurrence. I understood only three of the prayers that were prayed last night, but I was moved to tears by the thought of how unlimited our God is. I was thinking about how difficult it was for me to even learn just Spanish and here is the God of the universe able to listen and comprehend and fulfill the prayers of languages from all over the world. There is no limit to what our God can do and I was so moved and overwhelmed by that thought in the middle of all of the prayers for Father to move in our city. 

This morning, many of you have seen or heard the reports of the shooting that happened at the Empire State Building. This event really had me thinking because just two nights ago, I was standing in front of that very building. I was burdened by the families of those who are involved, whether in relation to the shooter or the victims or just people who were in the building at the time. I've been thinking about those prayers that we as a body of believers lifted up to Father last night. Prayers that He would be working in the city and in the lives of those who live here and even visit. With the time of prayer last night and the events of this morning, I am reminded how important it is to be in prayer for the city I live in. I am reminded how important it is for me to be praying for the people I pass by every day, the people I sit next to on the subway, the people I bump into in the park. I am reminded that prayer is powerful and that praying for other believers as they serve the same city I serve is powerful too. Father is working in this place. If you don't believe me, come visit. It's amazing to see what He is doing through people, through ministries, through random interactions. So here are my prayers from Scripture for the city and all of those who are in it. 

"I always remember you in my prayers, asking the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, to give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you will know him better. I pray also that you will have greater understanding in your heart so you will know the hope to which He has called us and that you will know how rich and glorious are the blessings God has promised His holy people. And you will know that God's power is very great for us who believe. That power is the same as the great strength God used to raise Christ from the dead and put Him at His right side in the heavenly world. God has put Christ over all rulers, authorities, powers, and kings, not only in this world but also in the next."

Ephesians 1:16-21

"This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; that you will see the difference between good and bad and will choose the good; that you will be pure and without wrong for the coming of Christ; that you will be filled with the good things produced in your life by Christ to bring glory and praise to God."

Philippians 1:9-11

"Now may God himself, the God of peace, make you pure, belonging only to Him. May your whole self--spirit, soul, and body--be kept safe and without fault when our Lord Jesus Christ comes."

1 Thessalonians 5:23

"And now, brothers and sisters, pray for us that the Lord's teaching will continue to spread quickly and that people will give honor to that teaching, just as happened with you. And pray that we will be protected from stubborn and evil people, because not all people believe. But the Lord is faithful and will give your strength and will protect you from the evil one. The Lord makes us feel sure that you are doing and will continue to do the things we told you. May the Lord lead your hearts into God's love and Christ's patience."

2 Thessalonians 3:1-5

"So I bow in prayer before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth gets its true name. I ask the Father in His great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through His Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love- how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love Then you can be filled with the fullness of God."

Ephesians 3:14-19

I pray these prayers over the city of New York, the believers in the city, those who do not know Christ, and those who are yet to hear about the Father's love. I end with this thought from Paul in Ephesians 3:20-21, 

"With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen."

Haven't we been through this?

I'm one of four children. I have two older siblings and a younger sibling so I am stuck right there in the middle. I remember watching my sister go through big, monumental moments in her teenage life, like prom, having her first boyfriend, her first car, just the things that come with the territory of being in high school. I remember eagerly looking forward to experiencing all of those things. I also remember that right as I was about to reach high school, she told me those things weren't that important. Having the perfect dress for prom wasn't that big of a deal. Getting the exact car I wanted wasn't the end all be all. I thought she was absolutely, certifiably insane. Until I went through all of those things and then I realized she was right. Those things, while fun and exciting, were not as important as I had built them up to be in my head. Naturally, I felt the need to pass on the information to my younger sister. I received the same reaction from her as I had given my older sister just a few years before. We often go to people we deem as wiser than us for advice, yet we don't always listen to them.

I've been reading through Judges lately and I must admit, I find it quite frustrating at times. It's just like that moment when I see my younger sister freaking out about something I freaked out about at one point in time, but really has no bearing on life. I wish I could just give her the experience I have had so that what I share is no longer just advice, but it becomes more substantial. I feel like the nation of Israel is like my younger sister. I'm reading through Judges and it's the same story line over and over and over again.

The Israelites did what the Lord said was wrong. They forgot about the Lord their God and served the idols of Baal and Asherah. So the Lord was angry with Israel and allowed Cushan-Rishathaim king of Northwest Mesopotamia to rule over the Israelites for eight years. When Israel cried to the Lord, the Lord sent someone to save them. 
                        Judges 3:7-9

It's the same story again and again. Israel does what God says not to do, God is angry with Israel and allows (insert kingdom here) to rule over the Israelites for (insert time period here), and then Israel cries out to the Lord, so the Lord sends them (insert a judge here) to save them. You would think that after at least the second or third time that they would get the picture, but no, they do it again and again and again and God keeps sending them judge after judge after judge to save them. The people at the park could tell by my loud sighs and hanging of my head that I was getting frustrated as I was reading through this book of the Bible. How could these people who had witnessed so many of God's miracles forgot about His goodness and look towards something else for satisfaction? I mean, come on!

But then I felt sick at my stomach as I realized, that that's me. I'm that nation that has seen through Scripture the fulfillment of God's promise, seen through others the goodness of the Lord, seen through my own life the everlasting love of the Father and yet I turn and make idols of other worldly things. I may not make statues out of gold or bow down in worship in front of a man made object, but those times when I put other things ahead of spending time with Father-well I just made those things an idol, those times when I would rather watch a television show instead of sitting and resting in the Lord-well I just made that an idol, those times when I put my own enjoyment above studying the Scripture-I just made that thing an idol. I'm just like those people that I got so easily frustrated with. My idolatry is not always intentional, but it doesn't make it any less wrong. As I was reeling in my revelation, I remembered John's warning about living in the world. He says,

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If you love the world, the love of the Father is not in you. These are the ways of the world: wanting to please our sinful selves, wanting the sinful things we see, and being too proud of what we have. None of these come from the Father, but all of them come from the world. The world and everything that people want in it are passing away, but the person who does what God wants lives forever. 
            1 John 2:15-17

The difference between me and the nation of Israel, is that the nation of Israel had judges and I have the Holy Spirit. The judges were humans that lived only for a brief period and then fell victim to death just as everyone else. The Spirit, however, never dies and therefore is with me at all times. I realized that this made my idolatry that much worse. I hope to take to heart John's teachings about not loving the things of the world but instead fix my heart on the things of the Father that my desires begin to align with His desires, that my love begins to reflect His love, and that my passion begins to stem from His great nature and mercy. I hope that unlike the people of Israel, others do not watch me in frustration but rather see my life as a testament to the great, overcoming power of the Father who can do all things. I end with a few of the lyrics of a song I heard recently,

                                                  From my heart,
                                                     stir my soul
                                         'Til my thought, is Your will

The New York Blues

So here we are, one week into my second stay here in the big apple and the lessons have already begun. What could I have possibly learned within one week that was so monumental I felt the need to blog about it you might say. Well, I've learned a lot- about myself, about Father, about people. How could I not live in such a large place with so many people and not learn a few things while I'm here. Before I continue, there's something you really need to know about me in order to understand. I am an extreme extrovert. Some of you may be thinking that that simply does not make sense  because when you first meet me I am quiet, reserved, sometimes extremely shy. That same group of you also knows that once I know you, I can be loud, outgoing, and a little on the crazy side. But one thing is for certain, I cannot stand to be by myself. I really do not like it. I despise it with a fiery passion. I don't necessarily have to be talking with someone. I don't have to be doing the same thing as someone. I just need to be around people. Lots of people. The more the better. So here I am, finding myself in one of the only places in the world where I can be surrounded by so many people, 1,601, 948 other people to be exact (that's only in manhattan), and I still find myself feeling helplessly alone.

No, no I'm not saying this out of pity for myself. It's a fact. This past week I have felt more alone than I have ever felt since my freshmen year of college. I'm used to living with some of the most wonderful people in the planet and spending every waking moment surrounded by one of my best friends. I'm used to having a strong community of believers around me twenty-four seven. I am so conditioned to think that when I have nothing else to do, I should be hanging out with a group of people who likewise having nothing else to do. It's been a hard transition for me this week, going from the college mindset to the mindset of, dare I say it, an adult. Especially because I don't really feel like an adult. I'm not doing the things that most people do when they graduate college. I'm not pursuing grad school. I'm not starting my first job. I'm not, thankfully, getting married. None of those big firsts that are happening for a lot of my friends are happening for me and so I feel a little lost.

To say I feel a little lost is a bit of an understatement. In reality, I feel a lot lost. The roof is one of my favorite places in all of the city. Unfortunately, I think I've spent more time crying up on that roof than enjoying the beautiful view of the city. The roof is my thinking spot- kind of like the thinking chair on Blue's Clues. I go up there when I need to have a revelation, or I just need to sort things out. Maybe the elevation helps the blood flow to my brain? I'm not sure, but somehow I always seem to find the answer I'm looking for. Maybe not on my first visit, but it eventually finds its way. The other night, I sat on the roof for hours in a state of panic. I felt like I had lost my family and my friends all in one swoop by coming back to the city for several more months. I began thinking that returning to Georgia would confirm the dreaded fear that none of those people would be there when I got back. One of my dearest and wisest friends reminded me of the calling Christ put on the disciples' lives and really on the lives of anyone who desired to follow Him.

If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 
Matthew 16:25

As they were going along the road, someone said to Jesus, "I will follow you any place you go." Jesus said to them, "The foxes have holes to live in, and the birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to rest his head." Jesus said to another man, "Follow me!" But he said, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Let the people who are dead bury their own dead. You must go and tell about the kingdom of God." Another man said, "I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go and say good-bye to my family." Jesus said, "Anyone who begins to plow a field but keeps looking back is of no use in the kingdom of God."
Luke 9:57-62

In yet another passage, a young man comes and asks Christ what he must do to have eternal life. Christ tells him to obey the commandments, to which his response is that he had. Jesus responds by telling him that he must sell all of his possessions and give up all the material wealth he had for others. This was too much for the young rich man who left "sorrowfully, because he was rich." As Christ began to explain that someone so in love with material items would have a harder time surrendering those things in his life to the only supreme power, the disciples stand amazed. They look on in wonder as Christ says that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God" and ask how then is it possible for anyone to be saved. 
(Matthew 10)

Jesus looked at them and said, "For people this is impossible, but for God all things are possible. Peter said to Jesus, "Look, we have left everything and followed you." Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, all those who have left houses, brothers, sisters, mother, father children, or farms for me and for the Good News will get more than they left. Here in this world they will have a hundred times more homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields. And with those things, they will also suffer for their belief. But in this age they will have life forever.  Many who are first now will be last in the future. And many who are last now will be first in the future. 
Mark 10:27-31

As reminded by these scriptures and by my dear friend, the calling of Christ does not mean that our personal lives are safe and kept in tact. It also does not mean that I will lose all of my friends and be doomed to suffer this impossible task alone. The body of Christ exists so that we can shoulder our burdens on our brothers and sisters and feel as though we have support even if they may not be physically with us. As I've been reading a lot of Paul's letters to the different churches, I see this idea even more clearly. Paul was not always able to show his support and love for the churches by being there for them physically. Sometimes he would send someone in his place. Every time he offered them prayer and guidance from afar. I was comforted through scripture this week that I have brothers and sisters in Christ all across the country who are praying for me daily as I serve here in New York. I rejoiced in the thought that Father has blessed me with such a strong base of friends who are there for me even when we are separated by miles and miles of land. I went into Central Park this afternoon wandering around in thought. I went in burdened and sad but came out renewed and refreshed. I felt as though my time with Father in that park was greatly needed. I also stumbled upon a realization that while I may feel alone in this city, I still have Father and the amazing support system He has in place for me. I also thought about the fact that there are so many others in the city who feel just as alone as I did, but they don't know the love of Father. My heart ached at the thought of them trying to cope with that overwhelming sense of loneliness on their own. 

So here's my prayer for the day, and I ask all of you who will read this to pray for this as well. I pray that somehow I will find someone else who is lonely in this city and doesn't have Father to lean on and that I may be able to show them Father's love. I pray for divine appointment on my footsteps, my wanderings, my conversations, and my everyday interactions and for opened eyes for opportunities Father will give. I pray that I am ready and watching. I pray for guidance for my tongue and wisdom in my advice. I pray, that overall, this loneliness I feel is used for God's glory and honor and praise. 

Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our faith has brought us into that blessing of God's grace that we now enjoy. And we are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God's glory. We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience, And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us. 
Romans 5:1-5

Wait, what?

I have been back in the state of Georgia for a little over a week now. As much as I have enjoyed the time of rest and visiting with family and friends, I am eager to start on what's next now that I finally know what it is! I can't tell you how many times I was asked that exact question this summer. "So what are you doing when you leave New York?" My answer was always a long, drawn out story which eventually ended with me saying, "Basically, I don't know what's after New York. But I'll let you know when I find out." Someone told me I should start making up crazy answers whenever I was asked that question because who knew, that could actually be what I ended up doing-- maybe I would be leaving the country, devoting my time to learning a new language, or the unimaginable, actually figuring out what to do with my life. Looking back on this summer it really is crazy to see how my idea of 'what's next' changed pretty much on a weekly basis. I was going to grad school, I was moving to atlanta to start working, I was going to start taking care of my grandfather full time, and at one point I had even resigned to being a bum for a semester. Well none of these things actually came to fruition. I won't be doing any of those things this fall. Instead, my next big adventure is leaving me a little ,not much anymore, confused and saying--wait, what?

For the past two months I had the privilege and blessing of working with some of the best interns I have ever met. We had our share of laughters and deep conversations. We spent countless nights hanging out in the kitchen or on the roof of the building. We served together in different capacities from office interns to vbs leaders to tennis camp coaches. The friendships that developed were undeniable and I will definitely miss each and every one of these blessed friends. When you spend a lot of time with people, you begin to learn what their catchphrases are. One of the interns would always zone out of the present conversation and would then make her re-entry into the conversation by asking the question, "wait, what." I always found this funny because it reminded me of my younger sister which was such a blessing to have a such a close memory of home always surrounding me. To me, her question of wait, what? was her way of saying, "I was paying attention to what was happening but I clearly missed something." As I have been spending this week saying goodbyes and getting ready to embark on my next journey, I have found myself in that same state of semi-confusion. How did I get here?

If you don't know or haven't figured out yet, I am leaving this Friday to go back to New York. Yes you read that right, I'm returning to New York to spend a semester serving as a missionary through NAMB. Contrary to my protests that I would hate New York and would spend my entire summer miserable, I actually loved it and wanted nothing more than to return as soon as I left. Had you asked me two months ago if I would be returning to New York early August, I would have laughed hysterically and looked at you like you were insane. Clearly I  missed something along the way. I don't know when exactly my decision to despise New York turned into a desire to return. I can't really tell you when my plans to return to Georgia changed into plans to return to New York. I haven't the slightest clue as to when my wishes of a quickly passing summer were transformed into hopes of a slow moving fall. I had my mind set on what was going to happen and clearly I missed something.  It's not really that surprising when I think about it because God doesn't need our approval or consent to change our plans. He just does it. I am so thankful that even though I like to think I know what's best for my life, God steps in and steers me towards what actually is best for my life. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 1:24-25:

"But Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called—Jews and Greeks.Even the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

I do not see God as foolish, but just that idea that His foolishness surpasses our wisdom. In our world where your value is determined in part by how wise or intelligent you are, to think that our wisdom is the equivalent of Father's foolishness is humbling.

In Isaiah 55:8-11 it says:

"The Lord says, "My thoughts are not like your thoughts. 
       Your ways are not like my ways. 
 Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, 
       so are my ways higher than your ways 
       and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
 Rain and snow fall from the sky 
       and don't return without watering the ground. 
    They cause the plants to sprout and grow, 
       making seeds for the farmer 
       and bread for the people.
 The same thing is true of the words I speak. 
       They will not return to me empty. 
    They make the things happen that I want to happen, 
       and they succeed in doing what I send them to do."

I love the imagery of a Father so much wiser than I am that I cannot comprehend His infinite knowledge. I had no intention of spending one day beyond my required time in New York. I wanted nothing more than to find a way to get out of serving this summer, but God worked within my hardened heart and out of it has grown a passion and desire to return to the city, to the people I have begun forming relationships with, to the churches who are working so fervently to spread the gospel, to the people seeking something to fill the void. I'm thankful that Father knew ahead of time what was best for me, otherwise I would have missed out on this amazing blessing. And here I am, anxiously waiting to go back to New York City. Wait, what?