Wait, what?

I have been back in the state of Georgia for a little over a week now. As much as I have enjoyed the time of rest and visiting with family and friends, I am eager to start on what's next now that I finally know what it is! I can't tell you how many times I was asked that exact question this summer. "So what are you doing when you leave New York?" My answer was always a long, drawn out story which eventually ended with me saying, "Basically, I don't know what's after New York. But I'll let you know when I find out." Someone told me I should start making up crazy answers whenever I was asked that question because who knew, that could actually be what I ended up doing-- maybe I would be leaving the country, devoting my time to learning a new language, or the unimaginable, actually figuring out what to do with my life. Looking back on this summer it really is crazy to see how my idea of 'what's next' changed pretty much on a weekly basis. I was going to grad school, I was moving to atlanta to start working, I was going to start taking care of my grandfather full time, and at one point I had even resigned to being a bum for a semester. Well none of these things actually came to fruition. I won't be doing any of those things this fall. Instead, my next big adventure is leaving me a little ,not much anymore, confused and saying--wait, what?

For the past two months I had the privilege and blessing of working with some of the best interns I have ever met. We had our share of laughters and deep conversations. We spent countless nights hanging out in the kitchen or on the roof of the building. We served together in different capacities from office interns to vbs leaders to tennis camp coaches. The friendships that developed were undeniable and I will definitely miss each and every one of these blessed friends. When you spend a lot of time with people, you begin to learn what their catchphrases are. One of the interns would always zone out of the present conversation and would then make her re-entry into the conversation by asking the question, "wait, what." I always found this funny because it reminded me of my younger sister which was such a blessing to have a such a close memory of home always surrounding me. To me, her question of wait, what? was her way of saying, "I was paying attention to what was happening but I clearly missed something." As I have been spending this week saying goodbyes and getting ready to embark on my next journey, I have found myself in that same state of semi-confusion. How did I get here?

If you don't know or haven't figured out yet, I am leaving this Friday to go back to New York. Yes you read that right, I'm returning to New York to spend a semester serving as a missionary through NAMB. Contrary to my protests that I would hate New York and would spend my entire summer miserable, I actually loved it and wanted nothing more than to return as soon as I left. Had you asked me two months ago if I would be returning to New York early August, I would have laughed hysterically and looked at you like you were insane. Clearly I  missed something along the way. I don't know when exactly my decision to despise New York turned into a desire to return. I can't really tell you when my plans to return to Georgia changed into plans to return to New York. I haven't the slightest clue as to when my wishes of a quickly passing summer were transformed into hopes of a slow moving fall. I had my mind set on what was going to happen and clearly I missed something.  It's not really that surprising when I think about it because God doesn't need our approval or consent to change our plans. He just does it. I am so thankful that even though I like to think I know what's best for my life, God steps in and steers me towards what actually is best for my life. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 1:24-25:

"But Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called—Jews and Greeks.Even the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

I do not see God as foolish, but just that idea that His foolishness surpasses our wisdom. In our world where your value is determined in part by how wise or intelligent you are, to think that our wisdom is the equivalent of Father's foolishness is humbling.

In Isaiah 55:8-11 it says:

"The Lord says, "My thoughts are not like your thoughts. 
       Your ways are not like my ways. 
 Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, 
       so are my ways higher than your ways 
       and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
 Rain and snow fall from the sky 
       and don't return without watering the ground. 
    They cause the plants to sprout and grow, 
       making seeds for the farmer 
       and bread for the people.
 The same thing is true of the words I speak. 
       They will not return to me empty. 
    They make the things happen that I want to happen, 
       and they succeed in doing what I send them to do."

I love the imagery of a Father so much wiser than I am that I cannot comprehend His infinite knowledge. I had no intention of spending one day beyond my required time in New York. I wanted nothing more than to find a way to get out of serving this summer, but God worked within my hardened heart and out of it has grown a passion and desire to return to the city, to the people I have begun forming relationships with, to the churches who are working so fervently to spread the gospel, to the people seeking something to fill the void. I'm thankful that Father knew ahead of time what was best for me, otherwise I would have missed out on this amazing blessing. And here I am, anxiously waiting to go back to New York City. Wait, what?