Moving
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I know all of you wait impatiently to read my newest updates, so just to let you all know my blog is moving! I decided it's time for an update so we are moving over and you can get to my new blog by clicking here http://aneverendingjourney.wordpress.com/!
Rethinking, Reexamining, Rehashing
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This past week has found me rethinking the way I view a lot of things. Maybe it was the approach of my birthday that had me feeling like I should begin reevaluating things in my life or maybe it's just time for me to sit down and really think about some things that maybe I haven't given a lot of thought to before. A couple of months ago I blogged about hating being alone and how difficult that was for me. It still is. But I think I don't like being alone because it forces me to really evaluate things, my beliefs, my opinions, my feelings, and sometimes I just don't like to do that. So maybe this recent influx of alone time has led to this recent surge of reevaluation. A friend and I talked about those times we all have where we have read a passage of scripture a dozen times before but it's that thirteenth time that we read it when begins to take a new form. I think part of that is directly correlated with our growth and maturity in Christ and part of it deals with the circumstances of our life. This past week, that particular verse for me was one that I have heard quoted numerous times, a lot of times by single girls who are trying to encourage their single friends. I cannot even tell you the number of times I have heard that verse used in that specific context. Granted, I've heard it used in other contexts as well but this past week, the verse really began to take on a new form in my mind. You have probably all figured out which verse I'm referring to but for those of you who haven't, Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Before I go into this, I want to go up and read verse three as well.
"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."
I want to spend a moment here. When I looked up the definition of faithfulness I found that one interpretation is being consistent with truth or actuality. I liked this because the bible that I normally read is an NCV and verse three in it says,
"Trust the Lord and do good. Live in the land and feed on truth."
I read these verses and my brain took off. The Lord opened my eyes to a different meaning of this scripture than I had ever embraced before. Live in the land and feed on truth, cultivate faithfulness, trust in the Lord. What do all of those things mean and how do we go from those things to getting the desires of our heart. It's simple.
A lot of times, we think of the desires of our heart in a worldly fashion-being comfortable, having happiness, having a family, having a nice job, desiring to succeed- but these are not the desires that will be fulfilled when we delight ourselves in Father. Yes, some of these things may come but those aren't the true desires of our heart. Because of the fall, our heart is empty. It's dead. We are out of communion with our Creator and because of that, we are not fulfilled. We look for fulfillment in the ways of the world, the desires that we think will make us happy, or the things we want so badly and try so hard to obtain and think, sometimes fully believe, that once we have that we will be set for life. We live for ourselves. Just look at Ephesians 2. As long as we continue to live out of communion with Father, our lives will never feel full and our heart will always be broken. It's in an intimate relationship with our God where we find complete fulfillment and the true desires of our heart-Him.
"God began by making one person, and from him came all the different people who live everywhere in the world. God decided exactly when and where they must live. God wanted them to look for Him and perhaps search all around for Him and FIND HIM though He is not far from any of us; By His power we live and move and EXIST."-Acts 17:27-28
I'm sure many of you have had those moments when you can feel the Lord's presence-whether it's through worship, service, teaching, or even struggles. In those moments, the sweetness and excitement and full joy that is experienced can hardly be described to someone else. It's in those moments when the realization comes that communion with Him surpasses any worldly desire that we could ever strive to gain. Our hearts are only full when they are full of Him.
"I tell you the truth, you will cry and be sad, but the world will be happy. You will be sad, but your sadness will become joy......It is the same with you. Now you are sad, but I will see you again and you will be happy and no one will take away your joy." John 16:20,22
Joy that is unshakeable comes only through Christ. And once we have that joy, it cannot be taken away from us. Once we dwell with the Lord, the desires of our heart are granted. We are loved and have complete redemption and reconciliation with Him. Our hearts are given new life and are no longer dead. Our desires then become centered around Him and that communion with our Father.
"Since you were raised from the dead with Christ, aim at what is in heaven, where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God. Think only about the things in heaven, not the things on earth. Your old sinful self has died, and your new life is kept with Christ in God. CHRIST IS YOUR LIFE, and when He comes again, you will share in His glory." Colossians 3:1-4
So, trust in the Lord, do good, dwell in the land, and feed on truth. Truth teaches us that this world is fleeting therefore desires of this world are temporary and our hearts are set on eternity. Truth tells us that full joy is found in Christ. Truth tells us that on our own we are dead and only through Christ's death do we have life. Truth tells us that we were created in God's own image, we began in full communion with Him, and we sinned and therefore no longer were able to stay in that sweet communion but rather were separated from God. Truth tells us that one day we will be restored to full communion with our Father through Christ. And I pray as I continue in this life that THAT is the desire of my heart.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Before I go into this, I want to go up and read verse three as well.
"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."
I want to spend a moment here. When I looked up the definition of faithfulness I found that one interpretation is being consistent with truth or actuality. I liked this because the bible that I normally read is an NCV and verse three in it says,
"Trust the Lord and do good. Live in the land and feed on truth."
I read these verses and my brain took off. The Lord opened my eyes to a different meaning of this scripture than I had ever embraced before. Live in the land and feed on truth, cultivate faithfulness, trust in the Lord. What do all of those things mean and how do we go from those things to getting the desires of our heart. It's simple.
A lot of times, we think of the desires of our heart in a worldly fashion-being comfortable, having happiness, having a family, having a nice job, desiring to succeed- but these are not the desires that will be fulfilled when we delight ourselves in Father. Yes, some of these things may come but those aren't the true desires of our heart. Because of the fall, our heart is empty. It's dead. We are out of communion with our Creator and because of that, we are not fulfilled. We look for fulfillment in the ways of the world, the desires that we think will make us happy, or the things we want so badly and try so hard to obtain and think, sometimes fully believe, that once we have that we will be set for life. We live for ourselves. Just look at Ephesians 2. As long as we continue to live out of communion with Father, our lives will never feel full and our heart will always be broken. It's in an intimate relationship with our God where we find complete fulfillment and the true desires of our heart-Him.
"God began by making one person, and from him came all the different people who live everywhere in the world. God decided exactly when and where they must live. God wanted them to look for Him and perhaps search all around for Him and FIND HIM though He is not far from any of us; By His power we live and move and EXIST."-Acts 17:27-28
I'm sure many of you have had those moments when you can feel the Lord's presence-whether it's through worship, service, teaching, or even struggles. In those moments, the sweetness and excitement and full joy that is experienced can hardly be described to someone else. It's in those moments when the realization comes that communion with Him surpasses any worldly desire that we could ever strive to gain. Our hearts are only full when they are full of Him.
"I tell you the truth, you will cry and be sad, but the world will be happy. You will be sad, but your sadness will become joy......It is the same with you. Now you are sad, but I will see you again and you will be happy and no one will take away your joy." John 16:20,22
Joy that is unshakeable comes only through Christ. And once we have that joy, it cannot be taken away from us. Once we dwell with the Lord, the desires of our heart are granted. We are loved and have complete redemption and reconciliation with Him. Our hearts are given new life and are no longer dead. Our desires then become centered around Him and that communion with our Father.
"Since you were raised from the dead with Christ, aim at what is in heaven, where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God. Think only about the things in heaven, not the things on earth. Your old sinful self has died, and your new life is kept with Christ in God. CHRIST IS YOUR LIFE, and when He comes again, you will share in His glory." Colossians 3:1-4
So, trust in the Lord, do good, dwell in the land, and feed on truth. Truth teaches us that this world is fleeting therefore desires of this world are temporary and our hearts are set on eternity. Truth tells us that full joy is found in Christ. Truth tells us that on our own we are dead and only through Christ's death do we have life. Truth tells us that we were created in God's own image, we began in full communion with Him, and we sinned and therefore no longer were able to stay in that sweet communion but rather were separated from God. Truth tells us that one day we will be restored to full communion with our Father through Christ. And I pray as I continue in this life that THAT is the desire of my heart.
He's Still There
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I have a lot more to say but not really a lot of time to sit down and focus my mind long enough to make a lot of coherent sentences. I have a running list of the things that I want to blog about. Unfortunately, that list keeps getting longer and longer so it may resort to me writing more than one blog post a day to get it all said. My most topic of choosing is a hybrid from an old topic that I have been wanting to blog about and a recent development in my life.
the message will come true.
It may seem like a long time,
but be patient and wait for it,
because it will surely come;
it will not be delayed. " (verse 3)
Being in New York has had me surrounded by people of all different cultures and religions. There are people who look to thousands of different gods for answers. There are people who live adhering to a strict law in hopes that they will be one of the few to find favor. There are people who begin to put their faith in the protection of people around them. The people that surround me are all looking for something and there are people other than me that are out there hoping they can be the ones to give them what they want. There are two incidents that stick out in my mind as I write this. The first happened about a month ago after I had been on a tour with a mission group. We went into a Hindu store and as the team looked around, I picked up a book and began to skim through it. It caught my attention because it was about the gods and goddesses of the Hindu religion. In the book, it talked about the misconception that Hinduism does not have one main deity. According to the book, they do and it was described as the same kind of god as my God. The difference was that they also have all of these other gods that are created to reach us on every level for every need. Instead of having one God that can fulfill every desire, comfort every emotion, control every circumstance, they have multiple gods that are created with one distinct purpose in mind. That same night I couldn't sleep and so I began reading in Isaiah. I got to Isaiah 41:21-24 where the Lord challenges the false gods to do something, anything to prove that they have power. Of course, nothing happened. My find went flying back to my visit to the Hindu temple months earlier where I saw people giving food in hopes for a blessing, I saw them kneeling before the statues of their gods and my mind then wandered to me, crying out before my Father, seeing Him answer the prayers that I lift up to Him, seeing Him move through my friends and through circumstances. My heart began to ache for the people who don't know Father the way that I as His child know Him. I began to be burdened that no matter how much they strive to reach perfection, no matter what they do to find enlightenment and fulfillment, without an active God, they will always be missing something.
This came rushing back to the forefront of my mind yesterday as I was riding the bus on my way to work. I have about a 45 minute commute during the week to work, a commute that I am grateful for more every day. I enjoy the time I get to spend in scripture as I ride from 7th Avenue to Avenue C. Yesterday was the same as every other day except that I was headed to work one hour later than usual. I sat down on the bus and began reading in Mark. Just one stop after I had gotten on, two ladies sat down beside me. They began to ask me how I could believe in something that was so riddled with contradictions and so full of people who said one thing and did another. I got to share with them my view on my faith and how it was much more to me than just rules to follow. One lady told me that she had been pushed out of the church and asked never to come back. She didn't tell me why and I didn't prod any further. She then proceeded to tell me that her "jesus" was whatever guy was taking care of her at the moment. My heart fell as my stop came into view. I didn't have much time with those two ladies and I immediately began praying as I made my morning walk to the church. I was thankful for the time that I had been given to share my faith and prayed that maybe something I said would lodge inside their minds like an annoying popcorn kernel lodges inside your teeth and it takes hours to get rid of it. I hoped and believed that that conversation was not in vain.
Finally, last night I was reminded of both of these situations as I spent my usual time on the roof to close out my day. I find that the roof gives me a clearer perspective on things sometimes, and like I always say- it's all about perspective. But last night I decided to read some more scripture as I sat up there. As the Lord directed my reading, each passage spoke directly to my heart. I have been unusually sad lately and He led me to Psalm 42 verses 5, 11 and Psalm 43 verse 5 which all say the same thing.
"Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising Him, my Savior and my God."
I had had to let go of some things that I really wanted, some dreams, some hopes and those things are never easy to do but Father led me to a verse in Proverbs 13 that says
"It is sad to not get what you hoped for but wishes that come true are like eating fruit from the tree of life" (verse 12)
I have been thinking a lot about the disappointment of not seeing the fruit that comes from service sometimes, of sometimes never knowing the reason you went through something or spent time in a particular season of life. I started forgetting the fulfillment of every promise the Lord had made in scripture and Father led me to Habakkuk 2.
" It is not yet time for the message to come true,
but that time is coming soon; the message will come true.
It may seem like a long time,
but be patient and wait for it,
because it will surely come;
it will not be delayed. " (verse 3)
He led me through scripture as my heart cried out to Him and I began replaying the memories of those ladies, of the temple, of the store and was jubilant that I have a Father who is active and cares for me. I think sometimes I forget that He doesn't think I am crazy because I have emotions, but instead He wants to guide me through those emotions to find Him. I was beaming with joy as I thought about each passage that the Lord had guided me to and how each one was so unbelievably fitting for every scenario that is currently going on. I was reminded that He's still there even when I don't make the effort to seek Him out or to find His purpose in all that is happening. I was thankful that I have a God who is alive and current and working to protect me by reminding me that He's always been there, that He's there right now, and that He will always be there, even unto the ends of the earth.
So pray for these people that surround me, that surround you, that are searching for something but they are looking in the wrong places. Pray that someone is a beacon of light to them so that they may experience the living and true God that reaches us on every level. Pray that I will be given many more experiences to share my faith and God's love through that. Pray that you will be given those opportunities and that we both will be bold enough to seize them.
Planned Beauty
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I've come to the conclusion that I am a bad New Yorker. Granted I've only been in the city for either a little over two months or a little over two weeks depending on how you look at it. Still,when teams ask me what my favorite park of the city is, I answer "the parks!" with extreme excitement and a high pitched voice. Most of them aren't really thrilled with that answer because they're in the city and they're used to trees. They want to see the buildings, the tourist spots, the things that make New York, well New York and I only offer them the same kind of scenery that they are used to. But I could spend hours in the parks. In fact, just the other day I spent over five hours in Central Park reading and people watching. I love to run around and take pictures in the park too. To try and get you in my mindset, here are some pictures that I took a couple of weeks ago while exploring Central Park.
One of the things that I love most about the park is that it is a vast display of Father's power and control, and His eye for beauty. Now the parks in New York City are designed and planned by man. They are not naturally occurring places of beauty but this does not make them any less beautiful. I think about the time it took to envision something like Central Park with all of the different areas embodying a unique look but still all of them coming together make the whole park a wonderful place to explore. It must have taken a lot of knowledge, time, effort, and creativity to dream up something so magnificent. But even with those dreams and plans and designs, someone else had to have a hand in it.
My days pondering this thought about the parks made me think back to several verses in Scripture.
"People can make all kinds of plans,
but only the Lord's plan will happen." Proverbs 19:21
"People may make plans in their minds,
but the Lord decides what they will do." Proverbs 16:9
The designers of the park planned where each tree would be planted, where each pathway would be paved, where each rock would be placed but in the end they had little control over what happened. The trees could not grow right. Maybe one tree would overshadow another leaving it stunted and half of what it could have been. Maybe the flowers would not grow or maybe they would become choked by weeds. Maybe their dreams just wouldn't match up with reality. Father took their plans and their seeds and He created life out of them. He took the plan, breathed into it, gave it life, and gave it growth. I'm sure that the designers of the park had something beautiful envisioned, but only God can give life and progress to the plans that we make. I think about churches and dreams for new ministries. We can plan, we can hope, we can dream but without Father having His hand on all that we do, those things are just that-plans, hopes, and dreams. Having the Lord alive and working in our lives on a daily basis means that there are dreams and plans that we have yet to think about but He is already working on. He gives life and growth to our plans. He magnifies them in a way that we never dreamed of. He puts in our hearts new plans and new desires according with His purpose. His plans can never be thwarted or messed up. His plans are far above any plans that we as humans can make. It's amazing and exciting to see His plans unfold and to enjoy the ending results.
My days pondering this thought about the parks made me think back to several verses in Scripture.
"People can make all kinds of plans,
but only the Lord's plan will happen." Proverbs 19:21
"People may make plans in their minds,
but the Lord decides what they will do." Proverbs 16:9
The designers of the park planned where each tree would be planted, where each pathway would be paved, where each rock would be placed but in the end they had little control over what happened. The trees could not grow right. Maybe one tree would overshadow another leaving it stunted and half of what it could have been. Maybe the flowers would not grow or maybe they would become choked by weeds. Maybe their dreams just wouldn't match up with reality. Father took their plans and their seeds and He created life out of them. He took the plan, breathed into it, gave it life, and gave it growth. I'm sure that the designers of the park had something beautiful envisioned, but only God can give life and progress to the plans that we make. I think about churches and dreams for new ministries. We can plan, we can hope, we can dream but without Father having His hand on all that we do, those things are just that-plans, hopes, and dreams. Having the Lord alive and working in our lives on a daily basis means that there are dreams and plans that we have yet to think about but He is already working on. He gives life and growth to our plans. He magnifies them in a way that we never dreamed of. He puts in our hearts new plans and new desires according with His purpose. His plans can never be thwarted or messed up. His plans are far above any plans that we as humans can make. It's amazing and exciting to see His plans unfold and to enjoy the ending results.
Prayers for the City
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There are two separate events that are consuming my mind today. They are not connected at all, but yet somehow I see the two becoming intertwined in my mind with how I view the city and ministry. Last night, the MNYBA hosted an event entitled "Get Connected". It was at this event that pastors from churches all over the city and even from New Jersey were gathered to connect with each other and the MNYBA. There were also people from North Carolina, Georgia, and Texas here looking to either begin a church plant or partner in some form or fashion with a church plant. In all, there were close to 90 people or so in the first floor chapel gathered together to talk about how the Lord is working through various partnerships here in the city and even in other states. There were people from all different nationalities. People who had grown up outside of Christianity but were now working fervently to spread the message of the gospel throughout the five boroughs. There were people who spoke multiple languages and some, like me, who spoke only one language. There were pastors there whose churches had been established for quite some time and other pastors whose churches were still in the beginning stages. It was amazing to see all of the differences that existed within this group of people. The thing that was even more amazing to see was how these differences had no bearing on the unity felt within that room. As the evening came to a close, Kyle and I led the group in singing "Stronger" and the chorus of "How Great Thou Art". All night there had been technical issues upon technical issues. The mic would be working and then all of a sudden it would go out. The speakers would randomly make loud buzzing noises. Kyle's guitar ended up not even coming through the system. But in the end, those things didn't matter. The chorus of voices that resounded in that chapel last night was such a beautiful sound. The picture of seeing so many different people from so many different places worshipping Father in such sweet surrender was a sight that I feel so blessed to have been able to see. Hearing people lifting up their praise to the Father who is unbelievably real and working in powerful ways in their lives and communities was awe striking. As the song ended, we entered a time of prayer. This was the most powerful moment of the night. The chapel is decorated with various plaques that all have the same verse written on it in multiple languages.
"It is written in the Scriptures, 'My temple will be called a house for prayer for people from all nations.'
Mark 11:17
This passage is referencing Isaiah 56 which talks about how all nations will be united in the Lord.
"Foreigners will join the Lord to worship Him and love Him, to serve Him, to obey the law about the Sabbath, and to keep my agreement. I will bring these people to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. The offerings and sacrifices they place on my altar will please me, because my Temple will be called a house for prayer for people from all nations."
Isaiah 56:6-7
Last night, that chapel truly was a prayer for all the nations. As we entered into a time of prayer, each person was encouraged by John to prayer in their heart language, or the language they were born in. It was such a beautiful occurrence. I understood only three of the prayers that were prayed last night, but I was moved to tears by the thought of how unlimited our God is. I was thinking about how difficult it was for me to even learn just Spanish and here is the God of the universe able to listen and comprehend and fulfill the prayers of languages from all over the world. There is no limit to what our God can do and I was so moved and overwhelmed by that thought in the middle of all of the prayers for Father to move in our city.
This morning, many of you have seen or heard the reports of the shooting that happened at the Empire State Building. This event really had me thinking because just two nights ago, I was standing in front of that very building. I was burdened by the families of those who are involved, whether in relation to the shooter or the victims or just people who were in the building at the time. I've been thinking about those prayers that we as a body of believers lifted up to Father last night. Prayers that He would be working in the city and in the lives of those who live here and even visit. With the time of prayer last night and the events of this morning, I am reminded how important it is to be in prayer for the city I live in. I am reminded how important it is for me to be praying for the people I pass by every day, the people I sit next to on the subway, the people I bump into in the park. I am reminded that prayer is powerful and that praying for other believers as they serve the same city I serve is powerful too. Father is working in this place. If you don't believe me, come visit. It's amazing to see what He is doing through people, through ministries, through random interactions. So here are my prayers from Scripture for the city and all of those who are in it.
"I always remember you in my prayers, asking the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, to give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you will know him better. I pray also that you will have greater understanding in your heart so you will know the hope to which He has called us and that you will know how rich and glorious are the blessings God has promised His holy people. And you will know that God's power is very great for us who believe. That power is the same as the great strength God used to raise Christ from the dead and put Him at His right side in the heavenly world. God has put Christ over all rulers, authorities, powers, and kings, not only in this world but also in the next."
Ephesians 1:16-21
"This is my prayer for you: that your love will grow more and more; that you will have knowledge and understanding with your love; that you will see the difference between good and bad and will choose the good; that you will be pure and without wrong for the coming of Christ; that you will be filled with the good things produced in your life by Christ to bring glory and praise to God."
Philippians 1:9-11
"Now may God himself, the God of peace, make you pure, belonging only to Him. May your whole self--spirit, soul, and body--be kept safe and without fault when our Lord Jesus Christ comes."
1 Thessalonians 5:23
"And now, brothers and sisters, pray for us that the Lord's teaching will continue to spread quickly and that people will give honor to that teaching, just as happened with you. And pray that we will be protected from stubborn and evil people, because not all people believe. But the Lord is faithful and will give your strength and will protect you from the evil one. The Lord makes us feel sure that you are doing and will continue to do the things we told you. May the Lord lead your hearts into God's love and Christ's patience."
2 Thessalonians 3:1-5
"So I bow in prayer before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth gets its true name. I ask the Father in His great glory to give you the power to be strong inwardly through His Spirit. I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love- how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love Then you can be filled with the fullness of God."
Ephesians 3:14-19
I pray these prayers over the city of New York, the believers in the city, those who do not know Christ, and those who are yet to hear about the Father's love. I end with this thought from Paul in Ephesians 3:20-21,
"With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine. To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen."
Haven't we been through this?
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I'm one of four children. I have two older siblings and a younger sibling so I am stuck right there in the middle. I remember watching my sister go through big, monumental moments in her teenage life, like prom, having her first boyfriend, her first car, just the things that come with the territory of being in high school. I remember eagerly looking forward to experiencing all of those things. I also remember that right as I was about to reach high school, she told me those things weren't that important. Having the perfect dress for prom wasn't that big of a deal. Getting the exact car I wanted wasn't the end all be all. I thought she was absolutely, certifiably insane. Until I went through all of those things and then I realized she was right. Those things, while fun and exciting, were not as important as I had built them up to be in my head. Naturally, I felt the need to pass on the information to my younger sister. I received the same reaction from her as I had given my older sister just a few years before. We often go to people we deem as wiser than us for advice, yet we don't always listen to them.
I've been reading through Judges lately and I must admit, I find it quite frustrating at times. It's just like that moment when I see my younger sister freaking out about something I freaked out about at one point in time, but really has no bearing on life. I wish I could just give her the experience I have had so that what I share is no longer just advice, but it becomes more substantial. I feel like the nation of Israel is like my younger sister. I'm reading through Judges and it's the same story line over and over and over again.
The Israelites did what the Lord said was wrong. They forgot about the Lord their God and served the idols of Baal and Asherah. So the Lord was angry with Israel and allowed Cushan-Rishathaim king of Northwest Mesopotamia to rule over the Israelites for eight years. When Israel cried to the Lord, the Lord sent someone to save them.
Judges 3:7-9
It's the same story again and again. Israel does what God says not to do, God is angry with Israel and allows (insert kingdom here) to rule over the Israelites for (insert time period here), and then Israel cries out to the Lord, so the Lord sends them (insert a judge here) to save them. You would think that after at least the second or third time that they would get the picture, but no, they do it again and again and again and God keeps sending them judge after judge after judge to save them. The people at the park could tell by my loud sighs and hanging of my head that I was getting frustrated as I was reading through this book of the Bible. How could these people who had witnessed so many of God's miracles forgot about His goodness and look towards something else for satisfaction? I mean, come on!
But then I felt sick at my stomach as I realized, that that's me. I'm that nation that has seen through Scripture the fulfillment of God's promise, seen through others the goodness of the Lord, seen through my own life the everlasting love of the Father and yet I turn and make idols of other worldly things. I may not make statues out of gold or bow down in worship in front of a man made object, but those times when I put other things ahead of spending time with Father-well I just made those things an idol, those times when I would rather watch a television show instead of sitting and resting in the Lord-well I just made that an idol, those times when I put my own enjoyment above studying the Scripture-I just made that thing an idol. I'm just like those people that I got so easily frustrated with. My idolatry is not always intentional, but it doesn't make it any less wrong. As I was reeling in my revelation, I remembered John's warning about living in the world. He says,
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If you love the world, the love of the Father is not in you. These are the ways of the world: wanting to please our sinful selves, wanting the sinful things we see, and being too proud of what we have. None of these come from the Father, but all of them come from the world. The world and everything that people want in it are passing away, but the person who does what God wants lives forever.
1 John 2:15-17
The difference between me and the nation of Israel, is that the nation of Israel had judges and I have the Holy Spirit. The judges were humans that lived only for a brief period and then fell victim to death just as everyone else. The Spirit, however, never dies and therefore is with me at all times. I realized that this made my idolatry that much worse. I hope to take to heart John's teachings about not loving the things of the world but instead fix my heart on the things of the Father that my desires begin to align with His desires, that my love begins to reflect His love, and that my passion begins to stem from His great nature and mercy. I hope that unlike the people of Israel, others do not watch me in frustration but rather see my life as a testament to the great, overcoming power of the Father who can do all things. I end with a few of the lyrics of a song I heard recently,
From my heart,
stir my soul
'Til my thought, is Your will
I've been reading through Judges lately and I must admit, I find it quite frustrating at times. It's just like that moment when I see my younger sister freaking out about something I freaked out about at one point in time, but really has no bearing on life. I wish I could just give her the experience I have had so that what I share is no longer just advice, but it becomes more substantial. I feel like the nation of Israel is like my younger sister. I'm reading through Judges and it's the same story line over and over and over again.
The Israelites did what the Lord said was wrong. They forgot about the Lord their God and served the idols of Baal and Asherah. So the Lord was angry with Israel and allowed Cushan-Rishathaim king of Northwest Mesopotamia to rule over the Israelites for eight years. When Israel cried to the Lord, the Lord sent someone to save them.
Judges 3:7-9
It's the same story again and again. Israel does what God says not to do, God is angry with Israel and allows (insert kingdom here) to rule over the Israelites for (insert time period here), and then Israel cries out to the Lord, so the Lord sends them (insert a judge here) to save them. You would think that after at least the second or third time that they would get the picture, but no, they do it again and again and again and God keeps sending them judge after judge after judge to save them. The people at the park could tell by my loud sighs and hanging of my head that I was getting frustrated as I was reading through this book of the Bible. How could these people who had witnessed so many of God's miracles forgot about His goodness and look towards something else for satisfaction? I mean, come on!
But then I felt sick at my stomach as I realized, that that's me. I'm that nation that has seen through Scripture the fulfillment of God's promise, seen through others the goodness of the Lord, seen through my own life the everlasting love of the Father and yet I turn and make idols of other worldly things. I may not make statues out of gold or bow down in worship in front of a man made object, but those times when I put other things ahead of spending time with Father-well I just made those things an idol, those times when I would rather watch a television show instead of sitting and resting in the Lord-well I just made that an idol, those times when I put my own enjoyment above studying the Scripture-I just made that thing an idol. I'm just like those people that I got so easily frustrated with. My idolatry is not always intentional, but it doesn't make it any less wrong. As I was reeling in my revelation, I remembered John's warning about living in the world. He says,
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If you love the world, the love of the Father is not in you. These are the ways of the world: wanting to please our sinful selves, wanting the sinful things we see, and being too proud of what we have. None of these come from the Father, but all of them come from the world. The world and everything that people want in it are passing away, but the person who does what God wants lives forever.
1 John 2:15-17
The difference between me and the nation of Israel, is that the nation of Israel had judges and I have the Holy Spirit. The judges were humans that lived only for a brief period and then fell victim to death just as everyone else. The Spirit, however, never dies and therefore is with me at all times. I realized that this made my idolatry that much worse. I hope to take to heart John's teachings about not loving the things of the world but instead fix my heart on the things of the Father that my desires begin to align with His desires, that my love begins to reflect His love, and that my passion begins to stem from His great nature and mercy. I hope that unlike the people of Israel, others do not watch me in frustration but rather see my life as a testament to the great, overcoming power of the Father who can do all things. I end with a few of the lyrics of a song I heard recently,
From my heart,
stir my soul
'Til my thought, is Your will
The New York Blues
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So here we are, one week into my second stay here in the big apple and the lessons have already begun. What could I have possibly learned within one week that was so monumental I felt the need to blog about it you might say. Well, I've learned a lot- about myself, about Father, about people. How could I not live in such a large place with so many people and not learn a few things while I'm here. Before I continue, there's something you really need to know about me in order to understand. I am an extreme extrovert. Some of you may be thinking that that simply does not make sense because when you first meet me I am quiet, reserved, sometimes extremely shy. That same group of you also knows that once I know you, I can be loud, outgoing, and a little on the crazy side. But one thing is for certain, I cannot stand to be by myself. I really do not like it. I despise it with a fiery passion. I don't necessarily have to be talking with someone. I don't have to be doing the same thing as someone. I just need to be around people. Lots of people. The more the better. So here I am, finding myself in one of the only places in the world where I can be surrounded by so many people, 1,601, 948 other people to be exact (that's only in manhattan), and I still find myself feeling helplessly alone.
No, no I'm not saying this out of pity for myself. It's a fact. This past week I have felt more alone than I have ever felt since my freshmen year of college. I'm used to living with some of the most wonderful people in the planet and spending every waking moment surrounded by one of my best friends. I'm used to having a strong community of believers around me twenty-four seven. I am so conditioned to think that when I have nothing else to do, I should be hanging out with a group of people who likewise having nothing else to do. It's been a hard transition for me this week, going from the college mindset to the mindset of, dare I say it, an adult. Especially because I don't really feel like an adult. I'm not doing the things that most people do when they graduate college. I'm not pursuing grad school. I'm not starting my first job. I'm not, thankfully, getting married. None of those big firsts that are happening for a lot of my friends are happening for me and so I feel a little lost.
To say I feel a little lost is a bit of an understatement. In reality, I feel a lot lost. The roof is one of my favorite places in all of the city. Unfortunately, I think I've spent more time crying up on that roof than enjoying the beautiful view of the city. The roof is my thinking spot- kind of like the thinking chair on Blue's Clues. I go up there when I need to have a revelation, or I just need to sort things out. Maybe the elevation helps the blood flow to my brain? I'm not sure, but somehow I always seem to find the answer I'm looking for. Maybe not on my first visit, but it eventually finds its way. The other night, I sat on the roof for hours in a state of panic. I felt like I had lost my family and my friends all in one swoop by coming back to the city for several more months. I began thinking that returning to Georgia would confirm the dreaded fear that none of those people would be there when I got back. One of my dearest and wisest friends reminded me of the calling Christ put on the disciples' lives and really on the lives of anyone who desired to follow Him.
If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 16:25
As they were going along the road, someone said to Jesus, "I will follow you any place you go." Jesus said to them, "The foxes have holes to live in, and the birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to rest his head." Jesus said to another man, "Follow me!" But he said, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Let the people who are dead bury their own dead. You must go and tell about the kingdom of God." Another man said, "I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go and say good-bye to my family." Jesus said, "Anyone who begins to plow a field but keeps looking back is of no use in the kingdom of God."
Luke 9:57-62
In yet another passage, a young man comes and asks Christ what he must do to have eternal life. Christ tells him to obey the commandments, to which his response is that he had. Jesus responds by telling him that he must sell all of his possessions and give up all the material wealth he had for others. This was too much for the young rich man who left "sorrowfully, because he was rich." As Christ began to explain that someone so in love with material items would have a harder time surrendering those things in his life to the only supreme power, the disciples stand amazed. They look on in wonder as Christ says that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God" and ask how then is it possible for anyone to be saved.
(Matthew 10)
Jesus looked at them and said, "For people this is impossible, but for God all things are possible. Peter said to Jesus, "Look, we have left everything and followed you." Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, all those who have left houses, brothers, sisters, mother, father children, or farms for me and for the Good News will get more than they left. Here in this world they will have a hundred times more homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields. And with those things, they will also suffer for their belief. But in this age they will have life forever. Many who are first now will be last in the future. And many who are last now will be first in the future.
Mark 10:27-31
As reminded by these scriptures and by my dear friend, the calling of Christ does not mean that our personal lives are safe and kept in tact. It also does not mean that I will lose all of my friends and be doomed to suffer this impossible task alone. The body of Christ exists so that we can shoulder our burdens on our brothers and sisters and feel as though we have support even if they may not be physically with us. As I've been reading a lot of Paul's letters to the different churches, I see this idea even more clearly. Paul was not always able to show his support and love for the churches by being there for them physically. Sometimes he would send someone in his place. Every time he offered them prayer and guidance from afar. I was comforted through scripture this week that I have brothers and sisters in Christ all across the country who are praying for me daily as I serve here in New York. I rejoiced in the thought that Father has blessed me with such a strong base of friends who are there for me even when we are separated by miles and miles of land. I went into Central Park this afternoon wandering around in thought. I went in burdened and sad but came out renewed and refreshed. I felt as though my time with Father in that park was greatly needed. I also stumbled upon a realization that while I may feel alone in this city, I still have Father and the amazing support system He has in place for me. I also thought about the fact that there are so many others in the city who feel just as alone as I did, but they don't know the love of Father. My heart ached at the thought of them trying to cope with that overwhelming sense of loneliness on their own.
So here's my prayer for the day, and I ask all of you who will read this to pray for this as well. I pray that somehow I will find someone else who is lonely in this city and doesn't have Father to lean on and that I may be able to show them Father's love. I pray for divine appointment on my footsteps, my wanderings, my conversations, and my everyday interactions and for opened eyes for opportunities Father will give. I pray that I am ready and watching. I pray for guidance for my tongue and wisdom in my advice. I pray, that overall, this loneliness I feel is used for God's glory and honor and praise.
Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our faith has brought us into that blessing of God's grace that we now enjoy. And we are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God's glory. We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience, And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us.
Romans 5:1-5
No, no I'm not saying this out of pity for myself. It's a fact. This past week I have felt more alone than I have ever felt since my freshmen year of college. I'm used to living with some of the most wonderful people in the planet and spending every waking moment surrounded by one of my best friends. I'm used to having a strong community of believers around me twenty-four seven. I am so conditioned to think that when I have nothing else to do, I should be hanging out with a group of people who likewise having nothing else to do. It's been a hard transition for me this week, going from the college mindset to the mindset of, dare I say it, an adult. Especially because I don't really feel like an adult. I'm not doing the things that most people do when they graduate college. I'm not pursuing grad school. I'm not starting my first job. I'm not, thankfully, getting married. None of those big firsts that are happening for a lot of my friends are happening for me and so I feel a little lost.
To say I feel a little lost is a bit of an understatement. In reality, I feel a lot lost. The roof is one of my favorite places in all of the city. Unfortunately, I think I've spent more time crying up on that roof than enjoying the beautiful view of the city. The roof is my thinking spot- kind of like the thinking chair on Blue's Clues. I go up there when I need to have a revelation, or I just need to sort things out. Maybe the elevation helps the blood flow to my brain? I'm not sure, but somehow I always seem to find the answer I'm looking for. Maybe not on my first visit, but it eventually finds its way. The other night, I sat on the roof for hours in a state of panic. I felt like I had lost my family and my friends all in one swoop by coming back to the city for several more months. I began thinking that returning to Georgia would confirm the dreaded fear that none of those people would be there when I got back. One of my dearest and wisest friends reminded me of the calling Christ put on the disciples' lives and really on the lives of anyone who desired to follow Him.
If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 16:25
As they were going along the road, someone said to Jesus, "I will follow you any place you go." Jesus said to them, "The foxes have holes to live in, and the birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to rest his head." Jesus said to another man, "Follow me!" But he said, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Let the people who are dead bury their own dead. You must go and tell about the kingdom of God." Another man said, "I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go and say good-bye to my family." Jesus said, "Anyone who begins to plow a field but keeps looking back is of no use in the kingdom of God."
Luke 9:57-62
In yet another passage, a young man comes and asks Christ what he must do to have eternal life. Christ tells him to obey the commandments, to which his response is that he had. Jesus responds by telling him that he must sell all of his possessions and give up all the material wealth he had for others. This was too much for the young rich man who left "sorrowfully, because he was rich." As Christ began to explain that someone so in love with material items would have a harder time surrendering those things in his life to the only supreme power, the disciples stand amazed. They look on in wonder as Christ says that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God" and ask how then is it possible for anyone to be saved.
(Matthew 10)
Jesus looked at them and said, "For people this is impossible, but for God all things are possible. Peter said to Jesus, "Look, we have left everything and followed you." Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, all those who have left houses, brothers, sisters, mother, father children, or farms for me and for the Good News will get more than they left. Here in this world they will have a hundred times more homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields. And with those things, they will also suffer for their belief. But in this age they will have life forever. Many who are first now will be last in the future. And many who are last now will be first in the future.
Mark 10:27-31
As reminded by these scriptures and by my dear friend, the calling of Christ does not mean that our personal lives are safe and kept in tact. It also does not mean that I will lose all of my friends and be doomed to suffer this impossible task alone. The body of Christ exists so that we can shoulder our burdens on our brothers and sisters and feel as though we have support even if they may not be physically with us. As I've been reading a lot of Paul's letters to the different churches, I see this idea even more clearly. Paul was not always able to show his support and love for the churches by being there for them physically. Sometimes he would send someone in his place. Every time he offered them prayer and guidance from afar. I was comforted through scripture this week that I have brothers and sisters in Christ all across the country who are praying for me daily as I serve here in New York. I rejoiced in the thought that Father has blessed me with such a strong base of friends who are there for me even when we are separated by miles and miles of land. I went into Central Park this afternoon wandering around in thought. I went in burdened and sad but came out renewed and refreshed. I felt as though my time with Father in that park was greatly needed. I also stumbled upon a realization that while I may feel alone in this city, I still have Father and the amazing support system He has in place for me. I also thought about the fact that there are so many others in the city who feel just as alone as I did, but they don't know the love of Father. My heart ached at the thought of them trying to cope with that overwhelming sense of loneliness on their own.
So here's my prayer for the day, and I ask all of you who will read this to pray for this as well. I pray that somehow I will find someone else who is lonely in this city and doesn't have Father to lean on and that I may be able to show them Father's love. I pray for divine appointment on my footsteps, my wanderings, my conversations, and my everyday interactions and for opened eyes for opportunities Father will give. I pray that I am ready and watching. I pray for guidance for my tongue and wisdom in my advice. I pray, that overall, this loneliness I feel is used for God's glory and honor and praise.
Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our faith has brought us into that blessing of God's grace that we now enjoy. And we are happy because of the hope we have of sharing God's glory. We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience, And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us.
Romans 5:1-5
Wait, what?
|
I have been back in the state of Georgia for a little over a week now. As much as I have enjoyed the time of rest and visiting with family and friends, I am eager to start on what's next now that I finally know what it is! I can't tell you how many times I was asked that exact question this summer. "So what are you doing when you leave New York?" My answer was always a long, drawn out story which eventually ended with me saying, "Basically, I don't know what's after New York. But I'll let you know when I find out." Someone told me I should start making up crazy answers whenever I was asked that question because who knew, that could actually be what I ended up doing-- maybe I would be leaving the country, devoting my time to learning a new language, or the unimaginable, actually figuring out what to do with my life. Looking back on this summer it really is crazy to see how my idea of 'what's next' changed pretty much on a weekly basis. I was going to grad school, I was moving to atlanta to start working, I was going to start taking care of my grandfather full time, and at one point I had even resigned to being a bum for a semester. Well none of these things actually came to fruition. I won't be doing any of those things this fall. Instead, my next big adventure is leaving me a little ,not much anymore, confused and saying--wait, what?
For the past two months I had the privilege and blessing of working with some of the best interns I have ever met. We had our share of laughters and deep conversations. We spent countless nights hanging out in the kitchen or on the roof of the building. We served together in different capacities from office interns to vbs leaders to tennis camp coaches. The friendships that developed were undeniable and I will definitely miss each and every one of these blessed friends. When you spend a lot of time with people, you begin to learn what their catchphrases are. One of the interns would always zone out of the present conversation and would then make her re-entry into the conversation by asking the question, "wait, what." I always found this funny because it reminded me of my younger sister which was such a blessing to have a such a close memory of home always surrounding me. To me, her question of wait, what? was her way of saying, "I was paying attention to what was happening but I clearly missed something." As I have been spending this week saying goodbyes and getting ready to embark on my next journey, I have found myself in that same state of semi-confusion. How did I get here?
If you don't know or haven't figured out yet, I am leaving this Friday to go back to New York. Yes you read that right, I'm returning to New York to spend a semester serving as a missionary through NAMB. Contrary to my protests that I would hate New York and would spend my entire summer miserable, I actually loved it and wanted nothing more than to return as soon as I left. Had you asked me two months ago if I would be returning to New York early August, I would have laughed hysterically and looked at you like you were insane. Clearly I missed something along the way. I don't know when exactly my decision to despise New York turned into a desire to return. I can't really tell you when my plans to return to Georgia changed into plans to return to New York. I haven't the slightest clue as to when my wishes of a quickly passing summer were transformed into hopes of a slow moving fall. I had my mind set on what was going to happen and clearly I missed something. It's not really that surprising when I think about it because God doesn't need our approval or consent to change our plans. He just does it. I am so thankful that even though I like to think I know what's best for my life, God steps in and steers me towards what actually is best for my life. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 1:24-25:
"But Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called—Jews and Greeks.Even the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."
I do not see God as foolish, but just that idea that His foolishness surpasses our wisdom. In our world where your value is determined in part by how wise or intelligent you are, to think that our wisdom is the equivalent of Father's foolishness is humbling.
In Isaiah 55:8-11 it says:
"The Lord says, "My thoughts are not like your thoughts.
Your ways are not like my ways.
Just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Rain and snow fall from the sky
and don't return without watering the ground.
They cause the plants to sprout and grow,
making seeds for the farmer
and bread for the people.
The same thing is true of the words I speak.
They will not return to me empty.
They make the things happen that I want to happen,
and they succeed in doing what I send them to do."
I love the imagery of a Father so much wiser than I am that I cannot comprehend His infinite knowledge. I had no intention of spending one day beyond my required time in New York. I wanted nothing more than to find a way to get out of serving this summer, but God worked within my hardened heart and out of it has grown a passion and desire to return to the city, to the people I have begun forming relationships with, to the churches who are working so fervently to spread the gospel, to the people seeking something to fill the void. I'm thankful that Father knew ahead of time what was best for me, otherwise I would have missed out on this amazing blessing. And here I am, anxiously waiting to go back to New York City. Wait, what?
For the past two months I had the privilege and blessing of working with some of the best interns I have ever met. We had our share of laughters and deep conversations. We spent countless nights hanging out in the kitchen or on the roof of the building. We served together in different capacities from office interns to vbs leaders to tennis camp coaches. The friendships that developed were undeniable and I will definitely miss each and every one of these blessed friends. When you spend a lot of time with people, you begin to learn what their catchphrases are. One of the interns would always zone out of the present conversation and would then make her re-entry into the conversation by asking the question, "wait, what." I always found this funny because it reminded me of my younger sister which was such a blessing to have a such a close memory of home always surrounding me. To me, her question of wait, what? was her way of saying, "I was paying attention to what was happening but I clearly missed something." As I have been spending this week saying goodbyes and getting ready to embark on my next journey, I have found myself in that same state of semi-confusion. How did I get here?
If you don't know or haven't figured out yet, I am leaving this Friday to go back to New York. Yes you read that right, I'm returning to New York to spend a semester serving as a missionary through NAMB. Contrary to my protests that I would hate New York and would spend my entire summer miserable, I actually loved it and wanted nothing more than to return as soon as I left. Had you asked me two months ago if I would be returning to New York early August, I would have laughed hysterically and looked at you like you were insane. Clearly I missed something along the way. I don't know when exactly my decision to despise New York turned into a desire to return. I can't really tell you when my plans to return to Georgia changed into plans to return to New York. I haven't the slightest clue as to when my wishes of a quickly passing summer were transformed into hopes of a slow moving fall. I had my mind set on what was going to happen and clearly I missed something. It's not really that surprising when I think about it because God doesn't need our approval or consent to change our plans. He just does it. I am so thankful that even though I like to think I know what's best for my life, God steps in and steers me towards what actually is best for my life. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 1:24-25:
"But Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called—Jews and Greeks.Even the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."
I do not see God as foolish, but just that idea that His foolishness surpasses our wisdom. In our world where your value is determined in part by how wise or intelligent you are, to think that our wisdom is the equivalent of Father's foolishness is humbling.
In Isaiah 55:8-11 it says:
"The Lord says, "My thoughts are not like your thoughts.
Your ways are not like my ways.
Just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Rain and snow fall from the sky
and don't return without watering the ground.
They cause the plants to sprout and grow,
making seeds for the farmer
and bread for the people.
The same thing is true of the words I speak.
They will not return to me empty.
They make the things happen that I want to happen,
and they succeed in doing what I send them to do."
I love the imagery of a Father so much wiser than I am that I cannot comprehend His infinite knowledge. I had no intention of spending one day beyond my required time in New York. I wanted nothing more than to find a way to get out of serving this summer, but God worked within my hardened heart and out of it has grown a passion and desire to return to the city, to the people I have begun forming relationships with, to the churches who are working so fervently to spread the gospel, to the people seeking something to fill the void. I'm thankful that Father knew ahead of time what was best for me, otherwise I would have missed out on this amazing blessing. And here I am, anxiously waiting to go back to New York City. Wait, what?
Pump the Brakes
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We have started studying Ephesians in the small group that I have been blessed to be a part of this summer. It's been such a great experience to learn more about Father with the ladies who are serving in ministry this summer just like myself. I have loved getting to hear their stories, we all come from such different places and backgrounds, yet we all have one thing in common. Each one of us is here this summer, and there are things that are challenging us, they are stretching us, they are making us ask questions, they are making us learn, and ultimately all of our situations are making us cling even harder to Father. I am so thankful for the ladies that decided to start this small group for us this summer. I am so blessed to be surrounded by the team that I am surrounded by. This was all just a side note, but I wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to Father and all of the ladies involved for creating such a wonderful sense of community here.
So we have been studying Ephesians, a book I have read before. Just in the first chapter that we have gone through, I have found so much to chew on. In particular, there was one phrase that was repeated several times throughout the first chapter. I can't tell you how many times I have probably read this verse of scripture because I literally can't remember but I know I've at least read it once if not multiple times. Never before have I had the realization I had the other night with such magnitude and power. It was like Father literally flipped the switch in my mind and I went from being oblivious to completely aware. If you've been near me at any point during the last year, you might know that the song I have become obsessed with is one that Bethel sings. It's called I Will Exalt. I love that song with a fiery passion. I think the message within the song is so powerful. The lyrics are simple and they go like this.
Your presence is all I need, it's all I want, and all I seek
And without it, without it there's no meaning
Your presence is the air I breathe, the song I sing, and the love I need
And without it, without it I'm not living
I will exalt You Lord, I will exalt You Lord
There is no one like You God
I will exalt You Lord, I will exalt You Lord
No other name be lifted high
There will be no one like You, and no one beside You
You alone are worthy of all praise
I love this song. I love the message behind it, simply that without God-there is nothing, no point, no meaning, no life. I was reminded of this, and really re-shown this lesson, as I was reading in Ephesians the other night. Twice in that chapter alone, Paul says this phrase "so that we would bring praise to God's glory." Now we were supposed to read this chapter in four different versions to see if anything impacted us between the changes in wording so I have the three other versions too.
"so that we would bring praise to God's glory"-NCV
"might be for the praise of His glory"- NIV
"might bring praise to His glory"-HCSB
"might be to the praise of His glory"-ESV
It's all the same and as I read it hit me. All of my life I had prayed, Lord let all I do bring You glory. I had heard that our purpose in life was to glorify God. As one of the other interns says, pump the brakes. Paul says here that we were chosen in order to bring PRAISE to God's glory. God does not need us in order to be glorified. His glory comes from the fulfillment of scripture, His keeping of His word, His righteousness. His glory comes from Him. If you think about it, it makes complete sense. If you look in scripture, you see how it's evidenced. Father commonly uses the smallest armies to win the largest battles. He often does things that no human could even fathom accomplishing. He used Moses to free the entire nation of Israel from the Egyptians. He used David, a small shepherd boy, to bring down a giant. Think about the wall of Jericho. Joshua and his army did not do anything. They didn't life a finger, but God brought that wall down. How many times in scripture did God defeat an army before anyone even got there or with an army that is significantly smaller. Or how often does Father do something crazy, like parting the Red Sea or sending food from the sky. Father doesn't need us to glorify Him, He can do that all on His own. But He works in our lives so that His glory can be made manifest and we can share with others what He is doing. We are to bring praise to His glory. I get so excited now every time I find a new reference in scripture that says we are to bring praise to His glory, or allow His glory to manifest in us, and not bring Him glory. So here's a link to that song I was talking about.
So we have been studying Ephesians, a book I have read before. Just in the first chapter that we have gone through, I have found so much to chew on. In particular, there was one phrase that was repeated several times throughout the first chapter. I can't tell you how many times I have probably read this verse of scripture because I literally can't remember but I know I've at least read it once if not multiple times. Never before have I had the realization I had the other night with such magnitude and power. It was like Father literally flipped the switch in my mind and I went from being oblivious to completely aware. If you've been near me at any point during the last year, you might know that the song I have become obsessed with is one that Bethel sings. It's called I Will Exalt. I love that song with a fiery passion. I think the message within the song is so powerful. The lyrics are simple and they go like this.
Your presence is all I need, it's all I want, and all I seek
And without it, without it there's no meaning
Your presence is the air I breathe, the song I sing, and the love I need
And without it, without it I'm not living
I will exalt You Lord, I will exalt You Lord
There is no one like You God
I will exalt You Lord, I will exalt You Lord
No other name be lifted high
There will be no one like You, and no one beside You
You alone are worthy of all praise
I love this song. I love the message behind it, simply that without God-there is nothing, no point, no meaning, no life. I was reminded of this, and really re-shown this lesson, as I was reading in Ephesians the other night. Twice in that chapter alone, Paul says this phrase "so that we would bring praise to God's glory." Now we were supposed to read this chapter in four different versions to see if anything impacted us between the changes in wording so I have the three other versions too.
"so that we would bring praise to God's glory"-NCV
"might be for the praise of His glory"- NIV
"might bring praise to His glory"-HCSB
"might be to the praise of His glory"-ESV
It's all the same and as I read it hit me. All of my life I had prayed, Lord let all I do bring You glory. I had heard that our purpose in life was to glorify God. As one of the other interns says, pump the brakes. Paul says here that we were chosen in order to bring PRAISE to God's glory. God does not need us in order to be glorified. His glory comes from the fulfillment of scripture, His keeping of His word, His righteousness. His glory comes from Him. If you think about it, it makes complete sense. If you look in scripture, you see how it's evidenced. Father commonly uses the smallest armies to win the largest battles. He often does things that no human could even fathom accomplishing. He used Moses to free the entire nation of Israel from the Egyptians. He used David, a small shepherd boy, to bring down a giant. Think about the wall of Jericho. Joshua and his army did not do anything. They didn't life a finger, but God brought that wall down. How many times in scripture did God defeat an army before anyone even got there or with an army that is significantly smaller. Or how often does Father do something crazy, like parting the Red Sea or sending food from the sky. Father doesn't need us to glorify Him, He can do that all on His own. But He works in our lives so that His glory can be made manifest and we can share with others what He is doing. We are to bring praise to His glory. I get so excited now every time I find a new reference in scripture that says we are to bring praise to His glory, or allow His glory to manifest in us, and not bring Him glory. So here's a link to that song I was talking about.
The Box
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Lesson from NYC: never agree to carry a box from one end of the city to the other
Last night after Apologetics Cafe was over, Allison (one of the other interns) and I headed back from the lower east side towards the MNYBA building. Now there are several different ways to get to the Graffiti building (the church that holds Apologetics Cafe) from where we are in the city, but the route that we usually takes involves a couple of transfers and a good bit of walking. As we left, we were asked to carry a box full of books back to the building. Of course we agreed, it wasn't that large of a box so we didn't think we would have any issues.
Allison started carrying the box first and as we walked I continually asked her if she needed me to to carry it for a little bit. It just looked uncomfortable carting around this awkwardly sized box in the middle of New York City. Eventually she had to hand it over and so I began the task of carrying the box. It started off easy. The box wasn't that heavy, and the only problem was that it was an awkward size. It was just wide enough to make it weird carrying it in front of you and too shallow to carry it propped on your hip. So here I go, carrying this box, flipping from side to side, holding it in front, propping it on benches in the subway stations, trying to do everything in my power to make carrying this box look as easy as possible.
Eventually the box started to get heavier and heavier. I wasn't throwing it from one arm to the other anymore, but I was slowly changing hands. I was looking for anything to prop the box on to relieve me of some of its weight. The trains were so full that we had to stand in the middle of the aisles which also meant I had to hold the box and also hold myself up because if you've ever ridden on a subway you know that they can make you lose your balance and the next thing you know, you are finding yourself staring up at the people sitting down and everyone is laughing at you. The box became too heavy and I had to admit defeat and let Allison take the box for the remainder of the trip.
As I finished the trip home last night, the whole episode with the box reminded me of the burdens we carry as Christians. Sometimes that fear, that sin, that situation, isn't really that heavy or hard to bear alone at first. We think that we can handle it. Sometimes they start out little and grow, and other times they are just so awkward or embarrassing that we just don't want to admit it is bothering us to anyone else. Those 'boxes' become heavier and heavier as we carry them alone. We begin looking for other things to help relieve the weight of the box, whether that ends up being relationships, drugs, alcohol, sports, or work. We begin to use those things to help hold some of the weight. We begin to rely on those things to keep us from admitting that the 'box' is too much for us to handle. Instead of asking for help, we try to make it look like there isn't a 'box', it just doesn't exist and we aren't carrying anything.
Just like the passage I shared with my mom the other day, we are called to relinquish our 'boxes' to someone who promises to help.
28 "Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. 29 Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. 30 The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."
Matthew 11
Just as Allison took the box from me, Christ offers to take our 'boxes' from us and to give us complete rest from them rather than the temporary relief that everything else offers. Christ promises that as we learn from Him, as we learn who He is, we will also learn true rest. He will lighten our loads, not because following Him is easy, but because the more we trust Him with our burdens, the more our hearts will be filled with peace.
6 Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks.7 And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4
Last night after Apologetics Cafe was over, Allison (one of the other interns) and I headed back from the lower east side towards the MNYBA building. Now there are several different ways to get to the Graffiti building (the church that holds Apologetics Cafe) from where we are in the city, but the route that we usually takes involves a couple of transfers and a good bit of walking. As we left, we were asked to carry a box full of books back to the building. Of course we agreed, it wasn't that large of a box so we didn't think we would have any issues.
Allison started carrying the box first and as we walked I continually asked her if she needed me to to carry it for a little bit. It just looked uncomfortable carting around this awkwardly sized box in the middle of New York City. Eventually she had to hand it over and so I began the task of carrying the box. It started off easy. The box wasn't that heavy, and the only problem was that it was an awkward size. It was just wide enough to make it weird carrying it in front of you and too shallow to carry it propped on your hip. So here I go, carrying this box, flipping from side to side, holding it in front, propping it on benches in the subway stations, trying to do everything in my power to make carrying this box look as easy as possible.
Eventually the box started to get heavier and heavier. I wasn't throwing it from one arm to the other anymore, but I was slowly changing hands. I was looking for anything to prop the box on to relieve me of some of its weight. The trains were so full that we had to stand in the middle of the aisles which also meant I had to hold the box and also hold myself up because if you've ever ridden on a subway you know that they can make you lose your balance and the next thing you know, you are finding yourself staring up at the people sitting down and everyone is laughing at you. The box became too heavy and I had to admit defeat and let Allison take the box for the remainder of the trip.
As I finished the trip home last night, the whole episode with the box reminded me of the burdens we carry as Christians. Sometimes that fear, that sin, that situation, isn't really that heavy or hard to bear alone at first. We think that we can handle it. Sometimes they start out little and grow, and other times they are just so awkward or embarrassing that we just don't want to admit it is bothering us to anyone else. Those 'boxes' become heavier and heavier as we carry them alone. We begin looking for other things to help relieve the weight of the box, whether that ends up being relationships, drugs, alcohol, sports, or work. We begin to use those things to help hold some of the weight. We begin to rely on those things to keep us from admitting that the 'box' is too much for us to handle. Instead of asking for help, we try to make it look like there isn't a 'box', it just doesn't exist and we aren't carrying anything.
Just like the passage I shared with my mom the other day, we are called to relinquish our 'boxes' to someone who promises to help.
28 "Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. 29 Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. 30 The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."
Matthew 11
Just as Allison took the box from me, Christ offers to take our 'boxes' from us and to give us complete rest from them rather than the temporary relief that everything else offers. Christ promises that as we learn from Him, as we learn who He is, we will also learn true rest. He will lighten our loads, not because following Him is easy, but because the more we trust Him with our burdens, the more our hearts will be filled with peace.
6 Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks.7 And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4
Old Favorites, Fresh Outlook
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This past Sunday as I was sitting in my second service of the day, at the Korean church Compass just a few blocks from the building, I was overcome with sadness and joy both at the same time. Confusing I know. The past year and specifically in the past few weeks I have been given multiple opportunities to witness to others who are not believers. New York is swarming with people who do not know Christ or the first thing about the Gospel. At home, I have many friends and family members who are so far removed from who Christ is and what a relationship with Him is really about even though many of them grew up in church or were exposed to Christianity at a young age. I've been talking with one of my good friends lately and our conversations always end the same way, with my promises of prayer and their dismissals of needing it. On Sunday, I was overcome with such a burden for these people-specific ones and even those in the city that I haven't had the chance to meet.
Many people dismiss Christianity as just another way to cope or another form of authority placed on their lives. Many of those that I have spoken with see the Bible as contradictory. Some believe it is used in hypocritical manners with scriptures being applied to one ideology and not another. My heart aches for these people. The ones who believe that they have hit the bottom and are trying to pull themselves together. The ones who don't see that the things they are searching for are not going to fulfill them. The ones who believe that if they could just obtain one more material item then they will finally be happy with who they are and where they are in life. My heart breaks knowing that there are people out there who are searching for their worth in the admiration they receive from others. People that think there is nothing wrong with the way they are living when their lives are completely absent of God and His presence. And my heart is shattered by the stories I hear of people feeling like their mistakes have made them worthless, irreconcilable, irredeemable.
I have heard such stories from friends and strangers alike. Those who think that in order to receive the promises of the Gospel they must first fix themselves. They can't call themselves a Christian until they first start living like one. Tonight as I sat speaking with a homeless man, my heart was filled with pain. This man had seen such sorrow throughout his life. He had lost several family members to suicide and cancer, he had struggled with a drug addiction, and now he was living on the streets. As he told me his story, he began to weep and I wanted to weep with him. He told me that if he was not able to finally overcome the drug addiction he had fought so hard against, that he hoped he could find a way to die. My heart ached because this man had so many burdens and no where to turn with them. He was not a believer nor did he have any desire to speak about God. I simply asked if I could pray with him and he said I could when he wasn't around. He didn't understand how someone with enough power to inflict swift and fatal judgment on an unrighteous population could show mercy, especially to an addict. In his eyes, everyone saw him as a burden on society, someone that couldn't be helped. And I was brought back to church on Sunday afternoon as we sang Mighty to Save--a song I have heard and sung along with more times than I can count. This time I truly believed that my God is mighty to save and that everyone, everyone, needs compassion. What a truly blessed people we are to have a Savior who shows us love in the deepest ways.
I thought again to one of my favorite hymns-Just As I Am. A woman, Charlotte Elliott, wrote this hymn after years of bad health and disability. She was belligerent and despised any kind of religion. Her bad circumstances had left her with doubt in God. After years of holding onto her anger and resentment towards God, she finally surrendered everything she was and began writing poems that would later be hymns. The minister who led her to Christ told her after being asked how she herself could become a Christian, "You would give yourself to God just as you are now, with your fightings and fears, hates and loves, pride and shame."
I don't know who's reading this post-if you are a believer witnessing to someone or someone who is not a believer in the slightest. But whoever you are, know that Father loves you and will redeem you from the further depths than you could even imagine. He can not be defeated and He will restore you completely. He will forgive all that you've done and will do and He will help you overcome any heavy burden. For
"The Lord is good and right; He points sinners to the right way.''
Psalm 25:8
This is a scripture reference I write on my hand every day. I then write the names of those I know who are not believers around this passage as a reminder to life them up in prayer whenever I see the reference. Some of them I will never know the outcome, but some of them I eagerly await the day to call them my brother or sister in Christ.
"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Many people dismiss Christianity as just another way to cope or another form of authority placed on their lives. Many of those that I have spoken with see the Bible as contradictory. Some believe it is used in hypocritical manners with scriptures being applied to one ideology and not another. My heart aches for these people. The ones who believe that they have hit the bottom and are trying to pull themselves together. The ones who don't see that the things they are searching for are not going to fulfill them. The ones who believe that if they could just obtain one more material item then they will finally be happy with who they are and where they are in life. My heart breaks knowing that there are people out there who are searching for their worth in the admiration they receive from others. People that think there is nothing wrong with the way they are living when their lives are completely absent of God and His presence. And my heart is shattered by the stories I hear of people feeling like their mistakes have made them worthless, irreconcilable, irredeemable.
I have heard such stories from friends and strangers alike. Those who think that in order to receive the promises of the Gospel they must first fix themselves. They can't call themselves a Christian until they first start living like one. Tonight as I sat speaking with a homeless man, my heart was filled with pain. This man had seen such sorrow throughout his life. He had lost several family members to suicide and cancer, he had struggled with a drug addiction, and now he was living on the streets. As he told me his story, he began to weep and I wanted to weep with him. He told me that if he was not able to finally overcome the drug addiction he had fought so hard against, that he hoped he could find a way to die. My heart ached because this man had so many burdens and no where to turn with them. He was not a believer nor did he have any desire to speak about God. I simply asked if I could pray with him and he said I could when he wasn't around. He didn't understand how someone with enough power to inflict swift and fatal judgment on an unrighteous population could show mercy, especially to an addict. In his eyes, everyone saw him as a burden on society, someone that couldn't be helped. And I was brought back to church on Sunday afternoon as we sang Mighty to Save--a song I have heard and sung along with more times than I can count. This time I truly believed that my God is mighty to save and that everyone, everyone, needs compassion. What a truly blessed people we are to have a Savior who shows us love in the deepest ways.
I thought again to one of my favorite hymns-Just As I Am. A woman, Charlotte Elliott, wrote this hymn after years of bad health and disability. She was belligerent and despised any kind of religion. Her bad circumstances had left her with doubt in God. After years of holding onto her anger and resentment towards God, she finally surrendered everything she was and began writing poems that would later be hymns. The minister who led her to Christ told her after being asked how she herself could become a Christian, "You would give yourself to God just as you are now, with your fightings and fears, hates and loves, pride and shame."
I don't know who's reading this post-if you are a believer witnessing to someone or someone who is not a believer in the slightest. But whoever you are, know that Father loves you and will redeem you from the further depths than you could even imagine. He can not be defeated and He will restore you completely. He will forgive all that you've done and will do and He will help you overcome any heavy burden. For
"The Lord is good and right; He points sinners to the right way.''
Psalm 25:8
This is a scripture reference I write on my hand every day. I then write the names of those I know who are not believers around this passage as a reminder to life them up in prayer whenever I see the reference. Some of them I will never know the outcome, but some of them I eagerly await the day to call them my brother or sister in Christ.
"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Just as I am, without one plea, but that Thy blood was shed for me
And that Tho bidst me come to Thee, O Lamb of God I come, I come!
Just as I am, and waiting not, to rid my soul of one dark blot;
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot, O Lamb of God I come, I come!
Just as I am, though tossed about, with many a conflict, many a doubt
Fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come, I come!
Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind, sight, riches, healing of the mind
Yea, all I need, in Thee to find, O Lam of God, I come, I come!
Just as I am, Thou wilt receive, wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve
Because Thy promise I believe, O Lamb of God, I come, I Come!
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