Wrapping up 2010

2010 is slowly winding down. Truth be told, I am rather glad that this year is ending as it has been full of one problem after the next. The hope and the lessons gained from this year, however, will last longer than those problems. To end this year, I just want to put up some encouraging verses, song lyrics, and quotes to begin the next year off on the right foot. So here are some of my favorites.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. ~Psalm 46:1-5

Those who love your teachings will find TRUE peace, and NOTHING will defeat them!

Psalm 119:165

And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all You are, the greatness of our God. I spend my life to know and I'm far from close to all You are, the greatness of our God.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. - Philippians 1:6

There is nothing that could ever separate us. There is nothing that could ever separate us from Your love. No life, no death, of this I am convinced. You my God are greater still.

Then the way you LIVE will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will GROW as you LEARN to KNOW God BETTER and BETTER. ___COLOSSIANS 1:10

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."-Proverbs 4:23

No, the Lord is all I need. He takes care of me. My share in life has been pleasant: my part has been beautiful. I praise the Lord because He advises me. Even at night, I feel His leading. I keep the Lord before my always. Because He is close by my side, I will not be hurt. So I rejoice and am glad. Even my body has hope, because You will not leave me in the grave. You will not let Your holy one rot. You will teach me how to live a holy life. Being with You will fill me with joy; at Your right hand I will find pleasure forever. Psalm 16:5-11

All praise and all the honor be, to the God of ancient mysteries. Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our histories.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

"I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts."

Isaiah 57:15

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.-James 1:3

Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.--Colossians 2:7

I hope that you all have had a wonderful year in 2010 and that 2011 holds new blessings and lessons for you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Waiting Room

Today I find myself back at the hospital with another one of my grandparents. Looking back through this year, I have spent more time in this hospital than I ever hoped to. I can officially find my way around the first,second, and third floors without a map and today I am working on learning the fifth floor-useless knowledge that I hope to never have to use again. When I started my trip back to this dreaded place, I admit I was defeated. I had made it through the past few days and felt like that was enough. I felt like I had earned some time off. Funny now when I think about it-I was asking for time off from my Christmas break. My last post I talked about hope and how regardless of circumstance, our hope should be founded in God. "And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee."-Psalm 39:7" He quickly reminded me of that post when I got in my car. You see, I made a cd back in October for the girls in my small group. I had filled it with songs that were encouraging and uplifting and reminded me of God's love and faithfulness to us. I had one of those cd's in the radio in my car. The song that was playing when I started my car was Our Hope Endures by Natalie Grant. It made me cry in sorrow and in jubilation.My favorite part was at the end. It says, "Emanuel, God is with us. El Shaddai, all sufficient. We never walk alone and this is our hope." In that moment, I felt that hope and peace that can only come from Him. These are the rest of the words to the song.

You would think only
So much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume that this
One has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here

Sometimes the sun
Stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky
Rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures
The worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the Earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend
Peace within pain
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with a woman
Whose body is torn
With illness
But she marches - on
Oh

Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient

Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

Our hope endures
The worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the Earth quake
Let the Earth quake
Let the Earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

If that wasn't enough, He gave me even more comfort through scripture. I had made an index card of one of my favorite verses with all of the different roles of God highlighted. I've carried that card around and read it in times of discouragement, but true to my nature I had misplaced it somewhere. Today, I found that card as I sat in the ER. I'll leave you with this verse and the resounding thought that the words to that song are indeed true, we never walk alone and that is the hope that we have in Him.

"I love You, LORD. You are my STRENGTH. The Lord is my ROCK, my PROTECTION, my SAVIOR. My God is my ROCK. I can run to Him for SAFETY. He is my SHIELD and my SAVING STRENGTH, my DEFENDER."
Psalm 18:1-2

Hope

It has been too long since I've posted last. A lot of things have changed between then and now. I'm now one semester closer to graduating college, which is a frightening realization. I've also made my way through some sticky and challenging situations, some of which I have had to crawl through and others of which I have sprinted through with ease. It has been a very tiring and rewarding semester. The past week however, has been just as eventful and challenging as the rest of the semester. Today my family lost someone dear to us and the weight of this loss is shown on the faces of everyone around me. It is always a sad thing to say goodbye to someone that you love and will deeply miss. I can't express how great the pain truly is. As crippling as the pain is, I'm reminded that this is Christmas- a time when all is supposed to be merry and bright with happiness radiating from every face on every street. A time when, despite the circumstances, people are surrounded by those that they love and for a few brief moments, happiness washes over them. Christmas to me, especially this year, is about hope. I love my nephew and niece and am ecstatic to be getting another nephew and possibly niece in the next year. I love their innocence, especially my nephew's. He sincerely believes that my dad is the real Santa Claus. He doesn't think any of the men at the shopping malls or parks are Santa. He doesn't think Santa is at the North Pole until Christmas. He wholeheartedly believes that his paw paw is Santa Claus. I think of this when I think of hope because we often try to threaten him into behaving by telling him Santa won't bring him any gifts if he is bad- a common thing parents and family members tell children around this time. He simply responds by saying, " My paw paw is Santa Claus and he will bring me presents." Keep in mind, he is only two. This is the simplest form of hope- trust. Hope is defined as confident trust with the expectation of fulfillment. My nephew believes with full confidence that his paw paw is Santa Claus and as a result, he will receive presents on Christmas day.

I recently had the opportunity to play at a lunch for the blind. God blessed me so much through that simple act of service. To me, playing is not a huge feat. It is so simple for me to sit down at a piano and string together chords and notes and make a melody of sorts. There was this little girl probably around the age of 8 or 9. She, along with her younger sister, was blind but their attitudes did not reflect that in the slightest. This girl found her way to the piano, sat down, and began picking out Christmas tunes. Her music was much more beautiful than anything I've ever played because each note was played with hope. She knew where her fingers went and how far each one moved in order to create the perfect sound. She believed with full confidence that she would hit the correct key and the sound that she wanted would come pouring forth out of the piano and fill the entire room with its echo. It was truly something beautiful and I felt so blessed to be able to be there. As she finished, the room was silent, and this girl simply asked "Why didn't anyone clap." I don't think she realized just how awe struck some of us were listening to her play.

Hope. Christmas is about the hope that we, as believers, receive through Christ's birth. Through Christ, we have the hope of tomorrow, whether here or in heaven. Through Christ, we have the hope of salvation. We have the hope of being united with others that have gone on before us. We have the hope of comfort, knowing that God is a fortress for us and will comfort us in our time of need. We have the hope of protection that regardless of our circumstance, God is surrounding us. We have the hope of peace that through trial and even good time, we have a peace that surpasses everything that can not be explained but we know is there. We have hope. Hope that sees us through even in these hard times. Christmas is about hope.

"And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee."-Psalm 39:7

Promise

A promise is meant to be a huge thing. It's usually just a verbal commitment between two people. Very seldom are everyday promises put in writing and signed by each person. So the only thing that keeps a person from breaking a promise is themselves. How many times have I broken a promise? I can assure you, I have broken a lot more promises than I care to admit. Promises to do something for someone, promises to not do something, promises to return an item previously borrowed, the list goes on and on. It would be hard for someone to keep faith in my promises after I had broken more than one. Today I read about multiple promises. In my journey to discover more about God and His love for us, I went back to where everything began. I started reading back in Genesis and I must admit, my mind was blown. I've read Genesis multiple times. I've done several studies about the different people in Genesis and their faith and trust in God. But until today, I had never really understood something that seems to be so embedded in this particular book-God's promises. Chapter after chapter God was showing me that He honors His word and that He always keeps His promises. And He does this to show how much He truly loves us.

One of the first promises God gives is after Adam and Eve have sinned and have both eaten of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This promise is so uplifting and encouraging to me. You would figure that after finding out that His own creation had done the ONE thing He had told them not to do, God would be so disheartened and disgusted with mankind that He would just forget about the whole thing right then. But He didn't. Adam and Eve were separated from God because of their sin, but God gives us a promise here. In chapter 3 verse 15 God tells the serpent, Satan's tool of temptation to Eve, "I will make you and the woman enemies to each other. Your descendants and her descendants will be enemies. One of her descendants will crush your head, and you will bite his heel." One of her descendants. Here God gives us the promise of Christ, of our Savior and Redeemer, to come and destroy Satan. That first promise just blew my mind because I'm thinking man we don't deserve a promise like that. God gave us something perfect and we messed it up. But God simply nudges and tells me "Hey, yeah you messed up, and you still mess up, but I still love you. Hence the promise." It gave me goosebumps.

Then God continues showing His love for man through the story of Noah. Man had just fallen so far into sin and corruption that it pained God to think about what He had created. At this point, I think I would probably have given up if I was God. I mean He's already given man a second chance after eating the fruit and we go and fall even more into sin. But He doesn't give up. He found good in one man. One man. Noah. God was going to destroy every living thing because it was so sinful, but He decided to spare one man and his family. So God floods the earth but spares Noah and his family on the ark. There were a few things that stuck out to me after the flood. In the first verse of chapter 8, it says "God remembered Noah". God remembered him. It would have been easy for God to change His mind and leave Noah and his family and all of those animals on the boat. No one had to remind God about Noah, He remembered Noah and that He had promised to keep him safe, (chp 6 vs. 18). So God remembered His agreement with Noah and stopped the flood and allowed the waters to recede, but then He continued to make a new promise to Noah and the rest of mankind. In chapter 9 vs 9, God begins telling Noah of the new promise He is making-that He will never again destroy the earth by flood. But my favorite two verses come in chapter 8 vs 21 and also chapter 9 vs 16. Verse 21 says "Their thoughts are evil even when they are young, BUT I will never again destroy every living thing on the earth as I did this time." Verse 16 says, "When the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and I will remember the agreement that continues FOREVER between me and every living thing on the earth." WOW. God promises that even though we are sinful from an early age, He will never, NEVER destroy the earth and all of us like He did before. An amazing example of His unfailing love for us because He says this promise lasts FOREVER. Wow.

The last promise I want to mention in this post is the promise that God made to Abram. If you jump over to chapter 15 verse 1, God tells Abram, "Abram, don't be afraid, I will defend you , and I will give you a great reward." Here God promises to defend and bless Abram and He did. If you keep reading through the story of Abram (later Abraham) God continued to stay with him. God also promised to give Abram a son. That had to be a huge promise because Abram was already over 90 years old and God is promising to make his descendants like the stars and the dust on the earth-impossible to count. But God does promise this in verse 5 and as we read in His word, He later fulfills this promise despite Abram and Sarai's attempts to fulfill the promise themselves. "Then God led Abram outside and said, 'Look at the sky. There are so many stars you cannot count them. Your descendants also will be too many to count.'" And Abram believed Him. Go on to verse 6 and it says "Abram believed the Lord. And the Lord accepted Abram's faith, and that faith made him right with God." God promised Abram that his descendants would be impossible to count even though it seemed at the time like it was not going to happen. God makes promises like that. It sometimes seems like God is making a promise that to us is just impossible, but as I'm learning everyday, God likes to do the impossible.

I know it's been a long post, but I was just blown away today when I started reading. God shows us over and over and over again how much He loves us by fulfilling His promises to us. Those are just a few of His amazing promises. There are plenty more that fill the pages of His word. God promises to protect us, encourage us, love us, guide us, bless us, teach us, and on and on and on. After reading these few promises and seeing how God continually stayed true to them, I see the phrase "I promise" a little more differently. They aren't just empty words, but words spoken out of love for someone. Just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.

Impossible

Soooo...I really just wanted to spend some time and update you guys on what God is doing in my youth group and my life! And believe me is He doing some amazing things!

I started off my summer with a youth group full of guys and I was a wee bit, okay really majorly, freaked out! But boy has it been fun getting to know these guys and just all about their lives here in the middle of nowhere South Georgia. I have definitely learned a lot, and while they haven't successfully taught me how to skateboard, God has been teaching me great things through them. I must admit I was a little disappointed when I hadn't seen any girls about two weeks in. My thinking was that I would come in and be this awesome college girl that was helping for the summer and all of the girls that used to come to the church would be running back and want to do things with the youth group again. WRONG. Like I said, two weeks into my summer and I still hadn't seen but the three or four boys that consistently came. I was getting discouraged and couldn't understand why things weren't happening, but then God spoke through a guest preacher that we had at the church. He preached on doing the IMPOSSIBLE for God. The first step of doing that is surrendering, completely, whole-heartedly, totally, without a doubt, entirely to doing what God's called you regardless of whether or not you think it's possible. It was what I needed to hear and I felt like he was talking directly to me. A week after I began praying for God to do the impossible in this youth group, girls started showing up. It was amazing and it was all God. Now the girls are coming pretty regularly and I've gotten the chance to share my testimony with them and to spend a little time getting to know them better as well. And I don't think that bringing girls into the youth group was all that God has planned for the summer so I'm excited to see how things develop as we continue to do more activities with the youth.

The church does a lot of work with some of the rehab facilities in the area. The town I'm in is running rampant with drug and alcohol addiction. The statistics are just astounding and heartbreaking. A lot of the youth in my youth group are affected by it and most of the people in the church were not raised in church but rather started as new believers after overcoming certain addictions. Each Thursday night, the church does a program called Celebrate Recovery. It's a wonderful program for anyone who has hurts, habits, or hang-ups. The worship is amazing but the chance to serve others who aren't served that often is what warms my heart. Since I've been attending, there has been one lady who has made a profession of faith during this program!!!!! I can not put enough exclamation marks at the end of that sentence. The excitement that night was unbelievable!!!!!! There was a girl from the same facility who came to church with her a few Sundays later who also accepted Christ!!!!!!! (again not enough exclamation marks)

The next set of amazing events occurred during VBS. We had around 40 kids a night and for this tiny town of only 600, I feel like that's a pretty big deal. We had several more youth come in just to help out with VBS. A lot of times they got stuck with me in games which gave me a chance to get to know them and let them know about all of the amazing things God was doing already and all of the fun activities we had planned for the rest of the summer. But beyond having a wonderful turn out and a chance to meet new youth, we had three boys give their lives to Christ!!!!!!!! (exclamation marks) Four of the five people who have come to know Jesus will be baptized this coming Sunday!!!!!!!!!!

God is truly doing some amazing things this summer, not only in the youth group that I am working with but with the church as a whole. I have truly been blessed to be a part of this church that is just pouring out Christ's love daily to the people who need it the most. I am unbelievably excited to see what God has in store for the next few weeks! I know there is still a lot of IMPOSSIBLE to be done!

Four Weeks

It has been four weeks. Crazy. Insane. Impossible. But true. It has been four weeks since I left for South Georgia. It has been four weeks since I started on this incredible but somewhat tough journey. It has been four weeks since I met the youth that would slowly begin to change the way I see things. It has been four weeks since God has started uprooting and rearranging things in my life. It has been an intense, chaotic, amazing four weeks. And it has been about four weeks since I updated last, so get ready.

My town in South Georgia is precious. It is smaller than my home town which I used to think was impossible. Even more precious, are the youth and children that I am getting to work with this summer. I won't deny it. It has been tough. I have had days where I just wanted to pull my hair out. I have had plenty of days full of tears. But I have had days with such joy that the bad just kind of disappears. I love my youth group. I began thinking that there was no way on Earth that I was going to be able to reach these guys. And I was 100% correct. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a different world. I was never a teenage boy so I don't know how to relate to them sometimes. But I was a teenager. And despite it all, I realized that I don't have to be able to relate to them. I just have to be able to be there for them. To continue to show that I am here to serve them, to listen to them, and to point them in the direction of someone who loves them unconditionally and knows exactly what they are going through.

Rewind just one week and my viewpoint was completely different. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I wanted to give up. I felt like these youth didn't want me here. I felt like the people in the church didn't want me here. I wanted to leave. But then this weekend I got to see some of my family. Which was wonderful. And I got to spend a short vacation with them. And the whole time I was away, I wanted to come back. I wanted to be with the youth and sit outside and watch them skateboard. I wanted to be digging my head in my hands in fear as one of them attempted some ridiculous move on their skateboard and almost collided with the pavement. I didn't realize how much I had started to care for this youth group, until I was away from it.

God started working in my life in amazing ways even before I came to South Georgia. And He has definitely been working in my life in some amazing ways since I've been here. It's been a struggle. It's been an experience. And I have loved it. I realized that I can not do it alone. I can not reach out to those boys and bring in the girls by myself. There is nothing at all special about me. I am just a socially awkward, clumsy, sometimes weird girl. Sidenote* I actually had one of the kids at VBS come up to me and tell me I was the weirdest person they had ever met. It was definitely one of the highlights of my night.* But regardless of being weird and clumsy and awkward, God has put me in this place, in this church, at this time, with these youth for a purpose. He reminded me of that the other day as I was spending some time with Him.

In John 12:27-29, Jesus says "'Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. 28Father, glorify your name!' Then a voice came from heaven, "I have glorified it, and will glorify it again." 29The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him."

This particular verse just stood out to me. Here I was wanting to quit because things had gotten a little sticky, a little difficult, a little tough. I wanted to stop doing what I had been called to do because it wasn't easy. I realized that I have a small problem with that. if things get the tiniest bit difficult, I think the absolute worst and want to call it quits. And that was the exact point I was at last week when i read this verse. In this passage, Jesus has been predicting His death. It came as a bit of a slap in the face to me when I really thought about this verse. Jesus knows what He has come to do. He knows that He has come to sacrifice himself for my sins and faults. And He didn't give up. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm sure it's not easy knowing that I would mess up and fail Him time and time again. But in this verse He gave me the encouragement that I needed. This is my prayer for the rest of my summer. That I would believe that God has placed me here for a purpose, one that I may never know, but a purpose nonetheless. And that God would glorify His name this summer. That He would use this socially awkward, clumsy, and weird girl for His glory and His honor. And the best part is, He says He will. In verse 28 God is talking to His son, and He says that He has glorified His name and will continue to glorify His name. That isn't any less true today. God has done mighty works through ordinary people all through history. And I pray that God works in mighty ways this summer with these youth and that He uses me and this summer to glorify His name. Told you it would be a bit of a long post, but there it is-my recent stepping stone. And it only took four weeks.

Attitude Problem

So it's been awhile since I posted last. It has been crazy the last few weeks with packing and getting ready to leave, then actually arriving at training, and now settling into my town for the summer. I can look back to just a few months ago when I first learned that I would be spending my summer in South Georgia. It's crazy how time flies. Now that I'm here, I want time to slow down just a little because after getting over my initial struggles, I am loving it here. Granted, that was not my first reaction. I felt awkward and out of place in this tiny town and tiny church. I immediately stuck out as the new person and I did not feel at all welcome in the church that I was serving in. If I'm being honest, the first night I spent in this town, I almost had a nervous breakdown. I remember frantically telling a friend that I just couldn't do it, that I wasn't cut out for this.

You see, it's crazy the way God works, crazy and wonderful all at the same time. In just the few shorts weeks that I have been away from home and my second home, He has already started pointing out all of the things in my life that needs fixing. I am learning so much already, about myself, about what I truly want, about God, and especially about what God truly wants for me. He's been shutting a lot of doors but He's also been opening up a lot of windows. Going back to my first night here, I felt overwhelmed and discouraged. I immediately questioned God and knew that He had somehow put me in the wrong place. Sometimes, I still feel that way. You see, my youth group is all guys. Talk about being hard to relate to. Teenage boys who like to skateboard and me, a college girl who is socially awkward, ridiculously clumsy, and extremely naive. How am I supposed to relate to these guys? To top it all off, these guys are going through some serious stuff right now. So my first night, I have a little conversation with God and it went a little something like this.

"GOD WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING PUTTING ME HERE WITH THESE BOYS THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO RELATE TO? THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS IS TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS AND HELP BUILD THIS YOUTH GROUP BUT HOLY COW, YOU HAD TO MAKE IT DIFFICULT. YOU COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME A YOUTH GROUP WITH ALL GIRLS, HUH? OR EVEN JUST A YOUTH GROUP WITH A FEW GIRLS, YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON WITH THAT I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO THESE BOYS ABOUT? THIS IS REAL FUNNY GOD, NOW REALLY, WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SUMMER. NICE JOKE, BUT COME ON, SHOW ME THE TOWN THAT I REALLY AM SUPPOSED TO BE SERVING IN."

And it went on and on and on for a while like that with me whining (oh and yes, all caps does denote my extremely high freaking out voice, for those of you who know me lol). I just knew God had it all wrong. Maybe God had verizon and the phone call had just been dropped when they were determining the town and church I would be with. That was my thinking. How wrong I can be sometimes, and how rare it is when I admit it. God tells me in Colossians 3:17 "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him." Wait, excuse me God, do what in the name of Jesus? Do all? You mean as in everything? Like every little thing I do I'm supposed to do it in the name of Your son? He then tells me in Philippians 2:14-15 that not only am I to do all things in the name of Jesus, but I'm also to "Do all things without murmurings and disputings that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world..." Um excuse me God, I'm supposed to do ALL things for Jesus and I'm never supposed to complain. Whew, this is hard work.

This verse reminds me of one of the tasks for a day in The Love Dare. You were supposed to spend one day doing everything without complaining. I tried and I failed. But there is a verse in God's Word that gives me hope, not only for this summer but for my future as well. I may not know what to do with these guys this summer. I may not know how to relate to them or understand anything of what they're going through. But I'm working for someone who knows everything about them and who knows exactly how to relate to them. In Philippians 4:13 God tells me that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." As long as I cling to Him, this summer and through life, I can do all He asks of me and I can do it all with the right attitude. It's just one of those stepping stones in my walk with Him.

Darkened

I like this word. My nephew says the phrase "It gets darkened?" anytime it starts to get dark outside. I'm thinking about this word right now as I'm sitting in the dark, all alone, between a building and a pool, hearing strange noises all around me. Despite the fact that I'm usually pretty scared of the dark, it's the only place that I can pick up internet so here I sit. Regardless of the scariness factor here, it's beautiful. It's peaceful (for the most part) and calm. I can sit here and really collect my thoughts on things. The thought that has really been shredding through my mind lately is the beauty of light. I don't really think about it that often. To be honest, I get so consumed with thinking about one specific topic that my brain tunes everything else out. I take a lot of things for granted this way. Like light. I only miss light when I'm surrounded by darkness. I only long for the sunshine when it's dark or gloomy outside. If I'm completely honest, I only sometimes reach for God when everything is dark around me.

Why is that? Why do I find myself being content with a mediocre life and a mediocre faith. Why is it that I allow myself to get so comfortable where I am in my walk with Him but yet in other areas of my life I want something more, something extraordinary. I'm a girl and naturally, as most all girls do, we struggle with wanting a relationship. It's just part of our nature. We always want something more than what we have now. We go through those phases where having friendships is all we need and other times we aren't happy with that. I'm amazed at that.

I'm still going through Matthew, and as my lack of excitement and desire has begun to fade, I ran across this verse. In Matthew 22:34-40, the Pharisees are once again testing Jesus. They have asked Him to tell them the greatest commandment. I'm sure they were thinking they would get one from the ten commandments. Maybe they were hoping for that. I don't know what was going on with the Pharisees, but I do know that this verse hit me so hard that I had to read it several times and pause to catch my breath. Jesus replies in verse 37, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." Okay, so I've heard this verse my entire life. I've even heard vbs songs about this. It sank in today as I read that. Let me just emphasize some things in the verse to show you how it affected me. LOVE the Lord YOUR GOD with ALL your HEART, with ALL your SOUL, and with ALL your MIND. Now I ask, what is left over? What part of ourselves are we not supposed to love the Lord our GOD with? ------------ I think I hear crickets. That's because we are to love Him with ALL of ourselves. Every ounce of love that we have in us should be poured out to Him.

So to tie it all together. I'm happy with a mediocre faith sometimes. I'm happy with only loving God with half of my heart, half of my time, energy, soul, and mind. I don't really notice it until something bad happens. Just like I don't notice the light until it gets darkened. I take God's love for granted just as I absorb the sun's rays without a second thought. I want more in other areas of my life, so why not in the area that is most important? In my relationship with God. It's a long post I know, but then again I haven't posted in several days so it cancels out I think!

The bottom line: God wants ALL of our love, attention, time, energy. He wants ALL of us. He wants us to strive to give Him ALL, just some, not a little, not even most. I think of the song "You Won't Relent". It goes

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

It sounds so easy. Putting it into practice is harder. Striving to give Him all and to not take what He gives for granted. Desiring to love Him with everything I have and not settling for mediocrity. "You won't relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours".
Just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.

Leaving

I already find myself running out of time to do everything that I want to do and to spend time with everyone I want to spend time with. I'm leaving behind everyone I know for two months. Granted I'm only going 6 hours down the road, but I still find it hard to grasp. It hit me for the first time on Friday night as I was spending time with some of my friends that I already don't get to see too often. As the night came to end, I realized that it would be another two months before I would see them again. I act like I'm not going to be able to have any communication with them at all and that's not the case. I'm still going to be very much connected with the rest of the world but there's a difference in a phone call every now and then and getting to spend time with them.

I've really been thinking a lot about leaving behind friends and family lately. I've been reading in Mark and today I was reading in Mark 10:17 when Jesus is approached by a rich man who comes and asks Him how to inherit eternal life. Jesus reminds him of all of the commandments and the man says that he has upheld them all. Jesus then gives him a challenge. In verse 21, Jesus says "One thing thou lackest: go they way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven." So Jesus tells him first to give up all of his earthly treasures, all of his possessions. Jesus commands him to give up everything he holds that is of the world. But he doesn't stop there. Jesus continues to say "and come, take up the cross, and follow me." Jesus commands this rich man to give up the one thing he has abundance of, money, and to take up his cross and to follow Him. Jesus commands that out of us. We are not to store up treasures here on the earth because they are of no use to us. The reality is that I'm like that rich man sometimes. Verse 22 says "And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions." Sometimes I'm unwilling to give up something that I have. Sometimes it's a dream, a hope, an ambition, or a friend. Sometimes I find myself like that rich man, walking away sad because I know how truly blessed I am and I don't want to give away all of my blessings.

Then I read in Mark 12:41-44 about a widow who gave all she had. There were men coming by and giving their extra money to the Lord, their leftovers if you will, but this widow gave everything she had. I started to think what if we were all like this widow? What if I was like this widow? What if I didn't settle for giving only my leftovers to the Lord- leftover energy, leftover time, leftover resources- but I desired to give Him EVERYTHING that I possessed. Not just giving all that I have financially, but giving all that I have in every way. Leaving behind friends and family to go out where He calls. Leaving behind the treasures I have from this world and seeking only His will and His glory. Leaving behind my dreams and ambitions and picking up the cross He has sat in front of me and following only Him. Our blessings come from the Father, and we should faithfully return those blessings to Him. Whether it be through our time, through our service, through our talents, through our testimonies, we are called to give and do everything through Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." That's my prayer for my summer. That I will be willing to leave behind everything and focus solely on Him and His plans for me. To do everything,to give everything up, for His glory. I know it will be difficult and sometimes I will fail, but in the end it will be worth it. It's just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.

Bullfrog

These past few days have been days of frustration, stress, and worry. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything that has been happening and have just found myself completely overwhelmed with all of it. I've had a few meltdowns, to say the least, and have had a sense of building frustration with myself. I'm a worrier by nature. I worry about little things. I worry about whether or not I'm going to end up somewhere and be underdressed or overdressed or wind up freezing. I worry about arriving somewhere too early or too late. I worry about small things that normal people don't think about. I'm a worrier. I worry about other people and whether or not I've done something to upset them. I worry excessively. I'm always being told that I'm taking years off of my life by worrying over ridiculous things that have no business being worried over. And I know that they are right. Still, lately I can't seem to get over the things that have been worrying me. Worry #1: I leave for Morven in about a week and I still do not have a car to drive down there. Worry #2: Up until two weeks ago, the church I was staying at didn't know I was coming. Last week, I found out that they are still looking for somewhere for me to live for the summer. Worry #3:What if I get down there and I'm not what they expect and I disappoint them. The worries go on and on and on.

Today, however, I spent some much needed time sitting by the pond with my guitar in hand. Music is escape and with the past few days being so crazy, I had to escape somewhere. As I was playing song after song, I started thinking in depth about the words that I was singing. How many songs were there that proclaimed the greatness of our God? How many times do the songs reference His unfailing love and grace? Over and over, I was singing about how God was everything I needed and desired and how He would never fail to provide for me. I stopped mid-song and listened. I had been singing in worship,praise,and prayer but I wasn't the only one singing. As I grew silent, I heard a bullfrog by the pond croaking and singing along. It was probably the most beautiful song I had heard in some time. And I instantly felt guilty.

In 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, it says " We have small troubles for a while now, but they are helping us gain an eternal glory that is much greater than the troubles. We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see." And in Matthew 6:25-34 we are told not to worry about things of this earth. We are not to worry about food,drink,or anything we need for survival because God, our Father, will provide those things for us. As I read these passages I thought of the bullfrog that had joined in my time of worship. I thought of how none of these things I had been worrying about would have concerned the bullfrog. He (and I assume it was a he, I don't really know) wasn't concerned with cars or shelter. He wasn't concerned with the way other bullfrogs perceived him. Our troubles, big or small, are nothing in comparison with what God has in store for those who serve Him faithfully. Psam 37:5 says "Depend on the Lord: trust Him, and He will take care of you." Enough said. I learned something from that bullfrog. Worrying doesn't help any of the situations that I am worrying about. Depending on God, trusting in Him, actively seeking His will, and desiring to serve and glorify Him is a much better use of my time on this earth. He is going to provide and that's all I need to know. It's just another stepping stone in my walk with Him.

Storms

I created this blog a few weeks ago for two reasons. Mainly to help keep people updated with things as I serve as a youth intern this summer, but also because I'm a talker. I like to talk out the random thoughts that rattle through my brain and keep me awake at night.
Recently, it's been storms. I have always loved storms. I love the lightening that lights up the sky and then the rolling thunder that follows. I like to watch as the rain just continuously pours and pours without any end in sight. The dark skies and the black clouds are beautiful to me. But recently, I've been looking at the storms in my own life. I love the storms that stay outside-the storms that I can avoid by simply seeking shelter. The storms that follow me wherever I go, well those storms I don't like as much. I've had a lot of storms in my life. It seems that each time I look back through my childhood and the recent years, the sky gets darker. Everything good about my life has been clouded by the storms that seemed to constantly loom over me. I constantly dwelled on the storms of my past and present and how bad they were, never thinking to look at the aftermath of them.
Then one weekend I was visiting home and there was a terrible storm. All day Saturday it rained and thundered. Saturday night the storm really hit and there was destruction everywhere. People in my town were riding around at three in the morning to see how much damage the storm had caused. I slept through the entire thing. I was amazed at how I could have slept through a storm that tore up houses and caused hundred year old trees to come crashing down yet when I have the tiniest bit of a problem in my life, it seems like the end all of everything. Wake up call number one. Then on Sunday as I was driving through town, everything seemed infinitely more beautiful than the day before. The trees were greener, the sky was bluer, and the sun shone brighter than I could remember. It was a gorgeous day and the storm of yesterday was erased from my mind completely. Wake up call number two.
So here's the point. I realized something after that particular storm. I realized that I had always focused on the storm itself. I always focused on how bad the things in my life were or how much damage the storms were creating. I never noticed how beautiful things were when the storm ceased. Storms are a natural pruning process. They break down old trees and branches and give way for new trees and new flowers to sprout. Storms in our lives are pruning processes from God. He uses the storms to refine us and make us purer at the end of the process. The storms aren't there for us to dwell on how bad life can get. They are there to make us stronger and more beautiful. The storms are there to draw us closer to Christ. I think of John 15. In verse 2 Jesus says, "He cuts off every branch of mine that does not produce fruit. And he trims and cleans every branch that produces fruit so that it will produce even more fruit." God has shown me that these storms I've gone through,am going through, and will go through are His way of trimming and cleaning me, His branch, so that I can better serve Him. It took a long time for me to realize it, but now I can look past the storm and towards the beauty of the morning.
Just another stepping stone in my daily walk with Him.